


Party of one

by Queentacosaurus101



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And the angst tbh, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Be careful chirren that's a lot of angst, Blue boy doesn't deserve this, Childhood Memories, Give Lance all of the hugs, Happy Birthday Lance (Voltron), Happy memories count as fluff right?, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), I don't know to be perfectly honest, I'll make it up to him, I'm Sorry Lance, I'm adding more anyway, If you've read all the tags then congratulations my friend, Inpired by music, Inspired by 'It's my party' by Lesley Gore, Kind of insecure Lance?, Krolia knows something is up, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Lance and Space Wolf bonding time, Lance please tell the team i say as i purposefully make sure he doesn't ouright, Lance sings!, Lance's Birthday, Lancey-Lance I'm so sorry, Langst, More of a UA, My God this has a lot of tags, Not so much an AU, Season 7 draws nearer and I'm not ready, The team don't know it's Lance's birthday so they don't celebrate with him, The team don't mean to upset Lance, There probably is some fluff?, There's a lot of music in this, There's fluff if you look hard enough, They're only in this for one chapter though so it's fine, Varadero beach is almost a character in this, Weird space goop is weird, Whoops I included OCs, Wowie i use a lot of music, Written before S7, choo choo all aboard the angst train, possible canon divergence, prepare for angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-11 05:59:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15308976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queentacosaurus101/pseuds/Queentacosaurus101
Summary: "Shaking, Lance brought up his phone’s calendar and was dismayed to see the date as well as “MY BIRTHDAY” marked down for the 28th of that month. He had a week or so until his birthday. For the first time, Lance was dreading his birthday. He was so far from home. The past few years hadn’t been too hard for him as, although he was at The Galaxy Garrison, Lance had a way of contacting his family. He could video chat with them as they sang happy birthday and reassured him that they would celebrate properly when he came to visit.  Now, he was billions of miles away and there was no way to contact home. If there was, Lance would have done it a million times by now."Lance remembers his birthday is coming up and but he doesn't say anything as the team have a war and other issues to deal with. Besides, all he wants is a quick "Happy birthday" and to move on. He can celebrate when they get to Earth. He hopes. If not, he can throw himself a pity party. He's used to being alone now. [14/14]





	1. Birthday candles

_“Make a wish Lance!”_

_Four candles were burning brightly from where they were positioned upon the pale blue frosting-layered cake placed before an eager child. They illuminated his face, casting a cheerful glow, while he smiled as widely as he could. Though his sapphire party hat’s string was too tight and some of the candles were nearly flickering out, the boy couldn’t be happier. Excitedly, the boy drew in a deep breath before unleashing it and extinguishing the candles all in one go. His family cheered wildly and he giggled, watching as they gathered around him to take pictures. Their hats were all various colours of the rainbow, ranging from red to violet, but he was the only one with a blue one. The cake was sliced and devoured. The child managed to get the icing smeared around his face, much to his relatives’ amusement. While the boy animatedly bounced in his seat, his mother scooped her arms tightly around him and hugged him close. “Happy birthday, Hijo.” She said softly._

* * *

 This was Lance’s earliest memory of celebrating his birthday. He wasn’t sure what had brought it up but it was recently stuck in a loop inside his head, replaying over and over. In all honesty, it was beginning to weird Lance out as it made him worry that his subconscious was trying to tell him something. He toyed with asking Hunk about it but that was making too much of a fuss about something harmless. After all, a memory of his family was a blessing, distracting him from all the worries and woes that came with being a paladin. Lance just wanted to know why it was bothering him so much. It hit him one morning while the team was beginning their long journey back to Earth.

The team were meeting up with some of the rebel alliance to pick up Matt for the voyage home. Lance stayed in the red lion, deciding to browse his phone while he waited for the others to be ready to fly again. It had been a while since Lance had flicked through it. When he would, Lance often listened to music or perused through his photos to lessen his homesickness. He was halfway through skimming through his song library when his phone buzzed with a reminder. Lance’s face wrinkled up in bewilderment and surprise. “What the..?” He murmured to himself (and to Kaltenecker the cow who was with him in the cockpit) before tapping the notification in the top left. In a luminous white font, it practically screamed ‘MY BIRTHDAY’ at him. Lance’s heart plummeted and his stomach lurched. The phone nearly slipped from his grip. How could he have forgotten? Was it a mistake?

Shaking, Lance brought up his phone’s calendar and was dismayed to see the date as well as “MY BIRTHDAY” marked down for the 28th of that month. He had a week or so until his birthday. For the first time, Lance was dreading his birthday. He was so far from home. The past few years hadn’t been too hard for him as, although he was at The Galaxy Garrison, Lance had a way of contacting his family. He could video chat with them as they sang happy birthday and reassured him that they would celebrate properly when he came to visit.  Now, he was billions of miles away and there was no way to contact home. If there was, Lance would have done it a million times by now.

Another reason he wasn’t ecstatic for his birthday was the fact that they were locked within an intergalactic war. There were more pressing and severe issues to focus on than the birthday of one fighter. All Lance wanted was a simple “Happy birthday” and to move on. He’d celebrate when they got to Earth.

A few tears trickled from Lance’s eyes and he rubbed furiously at them, sniffling. He couldn’t start crying over this. Not now. The communications took that moment to crackle to life. “Lance, we’re ready to go. What about you?” Keith asked. There seemed to be an impatient tone to his voice. Lance gave a slight smile at that. It was nice to know not everything was changing.

“Yeah, I’m good to go, man.” He replied, hoping he sounded more relaxed than he felt. His heart hammered every time he so much as thought of his birthday. “I think I was starting to fall asleep with all of this waiting.” He added hastily.

There was a collective groan from the rest of the team and mutters of “Typical Lance.” Lance released a sigh of relief. The team hadn’t suspected anything was wrong. Then, the team took flight and their journey began. Lance decided to focus on the travel home and forget all about his birthday.

If only it were that was as easy as it sounded.                                                        


	2. Decorated blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Instead of a grand spectacle, this year the house would be dead silent. No music. No singing happy birthday in that mixture of off-key and out-of-time which was oddly endearing. The only candles burning would be ones of bereavement, mourning the fact Lance wasn’t there to liven up the place with his bizarre jokes and cheerful smile. Given how the team had only set off for Earth, he could tell they wouldn’t arrive on Earth for a long time. Lance could only hope he was home before his next birthday."

_“Which of one these colours do you like the most, Lance?” His mother asked while holding up two packs of balloons for him to see. The pack in her left had ruby balloons and the other had ones that reminded him of the wonderful blue sea back in Cuba. Without hesitation, Lance pointed to the blue balloons. His mother gave a chuckle before placing them in her shopping trolley. The pair was shopping for Lance’s first birthday in America (his tenth one overall) and to say he was excited about it was an understatement. Lance was practically skipping around the store, humming all the songs he was planning to dance to on his special day. He even got to pick out a massive badge that read “10 today!” which flashed blue and then red when you pressed the small button on the back. He had loved wearing that badge because it made him feel like the most important boy in the whole world._

* * *

 Lance wondered what his upcoming birthday would have been like if he had stayed on Earth. He’d go home and his mother would embarrass him with kisses the moment he walked through the door. Maybe Hunk and Pidge would be invited to the festivities where Lance’s family would crowd around and share stories about him. Lance would whine but secretly enjoy all of the attention. There would be a sea of so much blue that everyone would marvel at how there were so many different shades. The best bit would have been when Lance blew out his candles and opened the gifts overflowing with their love and appreciation for Lance. Instead of a grand spectacle, this year the house would be dead silent. No music. No singing happy birthday in that mixture of off-key and out-of-time which was oddly endearing.There would be no decorations. No blue balloons or piles of confetti. The only candles burning would be ones of bereavement, mourning the fact Lance wasn’t there to liven up the place with his bizarre jokes and cheerful smile. Given how the team had only just set off, he could tell they wouldn’t arrive on Earth for a long time. Lance could only hope he was home before his next birthday.

“Lance, you’ve been awfully quiet. Are you feeling alright?” Keith asked from the black lion, removing Lance from his thoughts.

“Yeah, it’s not like you to be this quiet.” Hunk added, joking slightly to lighten the mood.

“If only he was.” Pidge muttered sarcastically. The team all shared a laugh while Lance glowered to himself. They were just teasing but he wasn’t in the mood for it. He hardly was anymore.

“Knock it off! I’m just tired.” He snapped back. The laughter died down.

“Woah, Lance, buddy. We were only teasing.” Hunk replied. He sounded tentatively worried as if he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to say. Lance could remember a time when Hunk knew exactly what Lance needed to hear to make everything better. Growing distant had changed all that. Hunk preferred spending time with Pidge, rambling about scientific terminology Lance couldn’t comprehend no matter how hard he tried to. He had sat with them and tried to put his input in on their little projects but neither one of them would acknowledge the ideas he shared or they would dismiss him entirely. Lance knew he and Hunk hadn’t been as close as he had wanted back at The Garrison but Lance had thought Hunk wouldn’t outright ignore him after all the good times they had shared. What about the late night kitchen raids? What about the time they saved Queen Luxia’s kingdom?

“Lance, we’re stopping off at the next planet so you can rest there. Just hang in there, okay?” Shiro said encouragingly. 

“Okay. I will do. I'll talk to you guys later.” Lance reported back. He switched off his own communications and just listened to the sound of the team chattering without him.  

"Lance seemed really upset earlier." Hunk commented. Lance flinched. The team were still on this?

"I do hope he's alright." Allura spoke up and Lance felt his heart squeeze painfully. Allura was worried about him...

"She only cares about you because you're her friend. Nothing more." He had to harshly remind himself, making his heart hurt even more.

"It's probably the stress of everything that's happened. He'll be okay." Pidge assured the team.

Lance sank back in his seat, lowering his head sadly. Pidge was right, in a way. Lance was feeling the strain from all the chaos thrust upon the team. He was also nearer to a birthday he didn't want. He could only hope Pidge was right about him being okay in the end.

Lance hoped the rest of the journey wouldn’t be like this; doubting everything and everyone. Maybe the team would figure out his birthday was soon and make it the best one yet.

It only went downhill from there.


	3. Dancing to his own song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ha, ha. I’m actually going to sleep now. Good night.” Lance spat venomously before he turned off communications entirely and tried to settle down. The music in his head had shifted to fit his misery. He could have laughed at the fact it was a song by the same band if he wasn’t so upset. He grew frustrated when tears slipped from his eyes despite his attempt to will them away. Memories of a younger him crooning out the lyrics attacked him, forcing him to start sobbing. Back then, Lance wasn’t aware what the lyrics meant. He had loved the song simply for its instruments and vocals. Now it applied itself too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy with the response this story has gotten so far! Thank you for your support! There will be more to come!  
> For this chapter I highly recommend listening to "Do you want crying?" and/or "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and The Waves.

_“Mama, dance with me!” Lance exclaimed joyously as he grabbed his mother’s hand and pulled her over to the stereo where music was playing at the highest volume possible. She laughed loudly while her son began a boisterous dance and attempted to match him, energy and all. During his dancing, Lance’s birthday badge was flashing proudly on his chest, alerting everyone to his newly-acquired status of a “big boy” of 10. His smile was so wide that his jaw began to ache but Lance couldn’t care one bit. He was having the most fun he had had for a while. At some point, one of his siblings brought in one of the blue balloons and everyone gathered in a circle to play a game where it couldn’t touch the ground. It gently glided across the group, grazing a few heads as it passed. Lance was obviously the best at it. It was his birthday after all._

* * *

 

Another fond memory surrounding his tenth birthday emerged from within his memories. Lance found himself laughing to himself about it while he waited for the others to land. They were currently settling down to rest, having flown for what felt like a billion vargas (hours in human-terms) but was probably closer to twelve.

“What’s so funny, Lance?” Pidge enquired curiously.

“Oh it’s nothing really. It’s just a memory from home.” He replied. Pidge gave a hum of mild interest but said nothing else. The rest of the team joined the conversation, changing the subject.

“Is everyone here?” Keith asked.

“Yeah, I think the gang’s all here.” Hunk answered. “Are we sleeping inside or outside our lions?” He added after a moment.

There was a pause while someone thought up of an answer. “We still need to hand out rations. Let’s eat first and then decide.” Allura finally pointed out.

“Good thinking Princess.” Lance chimed in, deciding he wanted to be included in this discussion.

With that, everyone exited the lions and congregated between them. “First thing’s first, we should set up for the night. We won’t do too much as most of us look dead on our feet.” Shiro reasoned. The team agreed whole-heartedly. Most of them did anyway. Lance just nodded along, too distracted by the thoughts and memories of his birthday.

The team began to set up for the ‘night’. While it was extremely dark, there was no real way of telling what time it was. The times on their phones could potentially be out-of-sync with their current planet so they weren’t useful in that regard. Matt and Coran began to create a fire for them all to sit around as Shiro and Pidge helped Hunk unload the rations required for that meal. Keith and Krolia were briefly patrolling the forest area surrounding them in order to check if the team would be safe for the time being. Everyone had something to do expect for Lance. He decided he could at least look busy with something. He picked up some of the sticks nearby and carried them over to where the fire was beginning to burn. “Here! More kindling!” He declared, dumping the sticks in to a disorganised pile nearby. Matt and Coran wore dual smiles of weariness and apprehension.

“Oh. Um. Thank you, Lance.” Coran said hesitation. Matt then made a point of pulling one of the sticks from Lance’s pile despite the fact there was a pile of much more useful firewood right next to him. Lance supposed Matt did it as to be polite to Lance and not hurt his feelings. Lance gave an apologetic grin back before shuffling off to see if someone else needed help.

Across from them, Romelle and Allura were gently coaxing everyone’s animals in to a group to make it easier to feed them all. The mice were scampering around Allura, making her giggle. “Need a hand?” Lance asked, smiling a little.

“We’re alright for now Lance but thank you.” Allura said gently, petting one of the mice. Lance gave a small nod in understanding. He turned to leave when Romelle spoke up.

“Actually, we need you to fetch your cow, Qualteneaker.”

“You mean Kaltenecker. I’ll go fetch her.” Lance hurried off to his lion, relieved he had something to do. His cow came compliantly, mooing as she did.

“Here you go. One hungry cow.” Lance quipped, scratching Kaltenecker’s head fondly. Romelle and Allura gave their thanks before turning to coo at the colourful fluffs that were Pidge’s pets.

Lance sighed. He wasn’t being as useful as he hoped he would be. He glanced back at the fire and saw Matt was using the more sensible pile as opposed to Lance’s. That said as much. It stung Lance a little but he refused to let it show. He’d get other chances. He hoped.

Everyone gathered around the fire (avoiding the pile of unused sticks) and began to eat their share of the rations. There were talks of what the journey could bring and just idle chats about themselves to help Krolia and Romelle get to know them a little better. Lance cracked a couple of jokes here and there but most of them were met with eye rolls. He then decided that he had enough of the conversation. The team looked at Lance in bewilderment when he feigned a loud, dramatic yawn, arms stretched out to the point where they brushed the person next to them. He stood up abruptly. “Sorry, looks like I’m all tuckered out. I’m going to take Kaltenecker back to Red and turn in. G’night!” He called out in a rush over his shoulder as he grabbed his cow and made his way back to Red as fast as possible.

Back in Red’s cockpit, Lance sank in to the pilot seat and sighed once more. Kaltenecker fell asleep behind him, lying down on the floor peacefully. Lance was alone with his thoughts again. From inside his head, the memory of his tenth birthday replayed, making him hum the song he and his mother had danced along to all those years ago. It was by a band called Katrina and the waves and it was one of the English first songs Lance learnt off by heart.

A chorus of sniggers stopped Lance mid-hum as he realised the team were back in their own lions and the communications were still on.

“Lance, it doesn’t sound like you’re sleeping.” Keith jibed. Lance could practically hear the smirk in his voice.

“Dude, was that Walking on Sunshine?” Hunk asked in between giggles.

“It’s just in my head!” Lance whined back. He was less embarrassed and more distressed over the fact they were teasing him for a song he connected with so strongly albeit, they weren’t aware of that fact.

“Alright, settle down everyone.” Shiro stated. Lance was almost relieved until Shiro spoke again. “Lance, I for one think that was wonderful and want to know if you’ll take requests.”

The laughter started up again and Lance felt pathetic for getting worked up by it.

“Ha, ha. I’m actually going to sleep now. Good night.” Lance spat venomously before he turned off communications entirely and tried to settle down. The music in his head had shifted to fit his misery. He could have laughed at the fact it was a song by the same band if he wasn’t so upset. He grew frustrated when tears slipped from his eyes despite his attempt to will them away. Memories of a younger him crooning out the lyrics attacked him, forcing him to start sobbing. Back then, Lance wasn’t aware what the lyrics meant. He had loved the song simply for its instruments and vocals. Now it applied itself too well. The lyrics felt as if they were ingrained in his brain, mocking everything that had led to him crying millions of miles away from the safety of his home on Earth. Irony was a bitter taste in Lance’s mouth and hard for him to swallow.

Quietly, Lance sang the lyrics to himself, unable to do anything else but wallow in his own pity and sadness.

* * *

 

_Do you want crying?_

_Look, I'm crying_

_Do you want crying?_

_Oh, oh, oh_

_You've got me crying_

_You've got me crying_

_Do you want crying?_


	4. Gifted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as he said that, the skies above seemed to burst open and rain began to fall. Lance shot up rapidly and ran to stand in a clearer flow of it. Ignoring his team’s protests, Lance yanked his helmet from his head and tucked it securely under his arm. Closing his eyes, Lance was met with a searing pain across his cheeks due to stones so cold they felt they were cutting in to him as they pelted his face. He then realised the pain was due to the fact it wasn’t raining at all. It was hailing and heavily at that. Nevertheless, Lance stood his ground and embraced the onslaught of hail. In his mind, he was almost being gifted with a substitute for the rain he yearned for. In a way, the universe seemed to be offering him some solace for the time being after all the trauma he’d been wrenched through.

_“Open my one first, Lance!” Marco wailed, shoving a gift in to Lance’s arms. It was wrapped in sapphire paper and tied together with a white ribbon. Lance giggled as he eagerly tore through the paper. Nestled inside was a photo frame decorated with dolphins and glittery writing that read “HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANCE”. Framed within it was a photo of Lance and his sibling on Varadero beach, faces messy with ice cream and legs covered in gritty sand. Lance thanked his brother, placing the photo proudly on his bedside table. His mother handed him his next gift, wrapped the same way as Marco’s except it was much neater and the ribbon was topped by a bow. His mother had gifted Lance with a midnight-blue scrapbook embossed with shiny stars. Lance’s eyes widened as he realised it was a space-themed one, complete with silvery or light blue moons and different planets. “I saw it and immediately thought of you, Hijo.” His mother admitted with a grin._

_“It’s wonderful.” Lance breathed, softly caressing the spine of the scrapbook. He carefully flipped through it, soaking in the details of every page. Each one was blank, awaiting his flair and creativity, but full of countless possibilities of Lance’s future._

* * *

 That same scrapbook lay uncompleted on Lance’s bedroom back at The Garrison. On a couple of pages, there were a few snippets of whatever Lance felt like sticking inside. He had just gotten around to using his gift despite being given it a couple of years before he left for The Garrison. The photo frame from Marco was there too. Most likely collecting dust upon his shelves along with numerous others and odd assortments of trinkets he had acquired. Lance could still remember his mother urging him to take his scrapbook with him, hoping he’d make good use of it. A surge of guilt pummelled him in the gut. His mother had wanted him to do a lot of things like write home or explore space, chasing his dreams around the galaxy. God, she was probably worrying herself sick since the last letter he had sent her had been about finally him making it to fighter pilot class. The Garrison would probably lie to his family about his disappearance. Lance could practically hear what they were saying. “We regret to inform you that your son has disappeared. However, since he wasn’t on campus, it is not our liability and is most likely an act of truancy.” His mother would never believe whatever tripe they spouted at her yet Lance knew that’s all The Garrison would give her in terms of his whereabouts. He desperately hoped she didn’t fear him dead.

In a way, he was living his dreams but at a terrible price. His heart ached so much for his family that every thought of them crippled him with overwhelming sadness. All Lance wanted to see on the horizon was the spinning orb of blues and greens that he knew as home. All he could see was a long spur of war-ruined planets and destruction, endless and forever stretching. There was so much that it obscured his hopes of ever getting home.

Speaking of planets, the team had arrived on yet another forest planet. Luckily, the scenery was more diverse than last one so Lance hardly took any notice. The skies were peach-coloured streaked with clouds the spitting image of pink cotton candy Lance would have begged his mother to spoil him with at carnivals. The plant life was a hodgepodge of shades of orange, ranging from tangerine to tawny. Oddly, the planet was freezing though there was no snow in sight. A massive campfire was set alight and everyone huddled together in order to preserve heat. As the night drew on, the clouds darkened to magenta and came together, rumbling ominously.

“I think it’s gonna rain!” Lance exclaimed, practically buzzing in anticipation from where he was squashed between Allura and Keith.

“Ugh, I hope not. Rain sucks.” Pidge griped.

“Oh. Right.” Lance mumbled, enthusiasm dropping. It seemed he was the only one who wished for rain. Lance couldn’t be blamed for this. He hadn’t had contact with rain for so long. His skin prickled with hope.

Coran spoke up. “Well, the clouds are darkening quite a bit so I think you’re right, Lance.”

Just as he said that, the skies above seemed to burst open and rain began to fall. Lance shot up rapidly and ran to stand in a clearer flow of it. Ignoring his team’s protests, Lance yanked his helmet from his head and tucked it securely under his arm. Closing his eyes, Lance was met with a searing pain across his cheeks due to stones so cold they felt they were cutting in to him as they pelted his face. He then realised the pain was due to the fact it wasn’t raining at all. It was hailing and heavily at that. Nevertheless, Lance stood his ground and embraced the onslaught of hail. In his mind, he was almost being gifted with a substitute for the rain he yearned for. In a way, the universe seemed to be offering him some solace for the time being after all the trauma he’d been wrenched through.

The hailstorm began to worsen but Lance couldn’t find it within himself to care. The hailstones ricocheted off of the smooth surface of his impenetrable armour like bullets. “Bite the bullets as they say.” Lance whispered to himself despite the fact it the bullets seemed to be the ones biting him with their iciness and razor-sharp edges. His hair and face were becoming increasingly wet from the excess water dripping from the hail as it melted. By the end of the storm, he was dripping and his face was slightly sore from small grazes and stinging cuts.

“That was a terribly foolish thing to do Lance!” Allura berated him once he walked back over, giggling madly. He merely shrugged and ran his hand through his soaked hair.

“I’m fine Allura. A little hail never hurt anyone.”

“The cuts on your chin beg to differ.” Romelle remarked coolly. Lance gave another apathetic shrug.

“Leave him be.” Krolia advised, looking rather pensive. Lance gave her a lopsided grin as his thanks and plonked himself right beside the fire.

This was the happiest he had felt in days.


	5. Happy families

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Lance?” Krolia asked, coming to sit beside him. Lance nearly jumped out of his skin. 
> 
> “Jeez, Krolia! You scared me.” He said good-humouredly. He attempted to give her a grin but his face fell as her eyes bore in to him. There was a flicker of concern and Lance realised she knew something was wrong.

_“So you have to complete the families to win the game.” Lance explained to his siblings as they all crowded around their dining room table with the new card game his abuelita had brought him for his eighth birthday. Lance loved card games and this one was swiftly becoming his favourite. There was something about bringing all of the families together that gave him immense joy as if he was really helping the characters reunite with each other. That and he really enjoyed the satisfaction of winning. In a way, Lance was completed by his own family, perfectly content with his life in Cuba. He knew he could tell them anything, never having to worry about irrational fears or silly little doubts. They made him stronger without him realising it until he left for The Garrison._

* * *

After the last planet, the team had been cautious around Lance, avoiding him like he was the reckless child in a class of well-mannered ones. Lance decided it was best for him to distance himself from the group and keep to his thoughts. As of right then, he was picturing his family struggling to play “Happy Families” while one of the most important cards was missing, i.e.: him.

This time, the team were on a jungle-filled planet, covered in billions of trees and surrounded by bizarre insect creatures that droned like mosquitos yet somehow more irritatingly. Lance tried to make himself as comfortable as possible on a log and allowed his mind to wander. From the log he was perched on, he observed the group working harmoniously without him, talking amongst each other. Lance longed to stride over and join in. He wanted to be useful. He wanted to talk to them as easily as he used to. Go on and on about the assortment of interesting things he’d do when they arrived on Earth. Brighten their days with hilarious anecdotes of his childhood. The team were doing just fine without him. Lance felt like an out-of-place piece of an otherwise completed puzzle or like he had been mismatched in the card game he had loved so dearly as a child. It was like he had been plonked in to the wrong family and left to suffer with the consequences. At first, he had slotted in alongside everyone but then it became apparent he wasn’t meant to be there. Overtime, his role in the group had become more shrouded. Initially, Lance had believed he was the team’s go-to ‘ninja’ sharpshooter, playing up the role for laughs, except he was then labelled as the goofball. He had been disappointed but then figured he might as well go along with it. Lance wasn’t even sure if was their goofball anymore. His current jokes fell horribly flat and the only times he could make them laugh was when it was at his own expense. Even the most eager to please clown would grow tired of being the butt of everyone else’s jokes. Matt seemed to be their comedian now. At least he was funny.

Lance supposed he was second-in-command, being the pilot of Red, but he still didn’t feel suited to that role. Red was and always be Keith’s lion. Perhaps he wasn’t being fair to Red. The lion had tried to reach out to him but Lance missed Blue too much. Allura suited Blue much more than he did so it was no wonder she had eventually replaced him, making more progress than Lance had in months.

Furthermore, Lance knew he was being to doubt himself. Nothing he did ever felt right even if his teammates argued otherwise. Not that he brought it up often. Both attempts had been brushed off by Keith and Allura, mistaking his concerns for other matters. So Lance decided it was best if he suppressed it all in his mind. He would bite down as hard as he could on his tongue and choke back remarks. He must grit his teeth against the hurt in his heart. For as long as he could, Lance would plaster closed-mouthed smiles upon his face until he went entirely numb from the pain and the team would be none the wiser. It was better that way.

“Lance?” Krolia asked, coming to sit beside him. Lance nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Jeez, Krolia! You scared me.” He said good-humouredly. He attempted to give her a grin but his face fell as her eyes bore in to him. There was a flicker of concern and Lance realised she knew something was wrong.

“Is everything…alright?” She asked slowly. Lance could tell she was trying to comfort him which was an unnerving sight given the fact she was such an imposing figure.

“Yeah, everything‘s cool.” He replied as neutrally as possible. Krolia gave him a doubtful look.

“Everything’s not ‘cool’, is it? I’ve seen the way you look when you think no one can see. Your smile doesn’t reach your eyes as often as it should.”

“Alright, so I’ve had a couple of off-days! Everyone in the universe gets them, Krolia.” Lance objected, defensive. Keith’s mother shook her head firmly, purple bangs swishing furiously.

“Lance…“ She began warningly.

“Look, I’m fine. Okay?!” Lance finally snapped waspishly.

“Quit asking.” He hissed cantankerously before scowling darkly at Krolia and turning his back, slouching in to himself. Krolia said nothing for a while, allowing the silence to suffocate the pair of them. It wedged itself between them, pushing Lance further along the log away from Krolia. Finally, she got up. Without turning around, Krolia addressed him.

“You can’t hide your hurt forever Lance. I know it’s easy to make out that everything will be fine if you just pretend that you’re alright but you can only go on pretending for so long. Eventually, all of it will consume you and you’ll be pushed to breaking point.” She turned mid-speech and gave him a pleading gaze. Lance stiffened under it.

“Lance, please don’t allow your pain to eat you from the inside. You need to share your burdens with your team. Whatever it is, they will support you and make you resilient against it. I know there’s a chance you won’t heed my advice and I can understand that but, for your own sake, I urge you to tell them everything you keep sealed behind those false smiles.” Krolia turned briskly and walked away, leaving Lance to his silence. If she had stayed a second longer, she would have noticed Lance was beginning to lose a futile battle against his sadness, biting his lip to prevent himself from sobbing. He was too afraid to cry at that moment for he worried that once he did he would shatter entirely, leaving the team to pick up the pieces. The tears gradually cascaded down his face and trickled from his chin, their salt stinging the cuts sorely.

Without the team noticing, Lance ventured deeper in to the jungle in order to avoid causing a spectacle in front of them. Unknown to him, the space mice scuttled after him.


	6. Make a wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know, it’s my birthday coming up and, for the first time in my life, I’m absolutely dreading it because I know it’s gonna be absolutely awful for me. No one on the team knows it’s my birthday. Part of me desperately wants to tell them ‘cause who knows, maybe they’ll wanna celebrate and then everything will be okay. Then another part of me doesn’t want them to know. There’s a war on and that’s more important than one person’s birthday. I can just celebrate at home.” He told them softly. Lance let out a shaky sigh.

_“What did you wish for Lance?” Veronica asked. The scent of eleven recently burnt-out candles lingered thickly in the curling smoke that drifted in the air. Lance pressed his index finger to his lips and whispered “Shush.” Veronica lightly punched him in the arm._

_“Awh, c’mon! You can tell me.” She pouted._

_Lance smirked at her and retorted back “No way! Everyone knows if you tell then your wish won’t come true!” Their mother hollered that the cake had been cut from the kitchen and the pair rushed to grab a slice._

_Lance’s wish for his eleventh birthday had been for him to be able to see the stars and explore the deepest depths of space. It became his only wish for every other birthday after that._

* * *

Shoving past the copious amounts of foliage, Lance was running as far away from the team as possible. By now, Krolia had probably spoken to the team and they’d be looking to interrogate him for answers to things he wasn’t willing to share. Past another tree, Lance could feel his eyes grow sore from all the crying he was doing. He tried to calm himself down by taking deep breaths. He breathed in, shuddering.

Inhale. Exhale.

Lance tried again, stumbling to a halt and grasping at the bark of a nearby tree with his right hand in order to steady himself. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Inhale. Exhale.

His efforts were fruitless. The tears still spilt from within him. Lance whimpered, roughly dragging his free hand across his face. The sound of shill squeaks above him surprised Lance, causing his eyes to suddenly open. His head snapped up sharply, fearful of what he’d see. Balanced on the branch above were the space mice, faces crumpled with concern. Lance sniffed, grimacing at them.

“What are you doing here?” He choked out venomously. They flinched before hurrying closer along the branch. Lance edged backwards warily as if they were about to attack him, arms raised in surrender. His glare remained.

“Why did you follow me? Huh?! So you could get me to spill all of my dirty little secrets and then scamper off to gossip about them with Allura? We all know that’s what you do. I bet all of you laugh at them too.” He yelled at them, voice cracking. The mice shook their heads, eyes downcast with pity. Lance growled in aggravation, baring his teeth sharply.

“What? Do you pity me? Look at poor Lance, he can’t do anything right! He keeps making the same mistakes!” He jeered bitterly.

Chulatt and Platt leapt from the branch and on to Lance’s shoulder, brushing against the paladin’s face to comfort him. “Get off! Stop it!” He demanded, voice wavering. He started bawling again and clenched fistfuls of his hair in anguish.

“What am I doing?” He whispered to himself. “You’re just trying to help and I’m acting like the universe’s biggest jerk. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m…” Lance trailed off as he lifted his hand to allow the other two mice, Chuchule and Plachu, to clamber on to his shoulders. They swept as many of his tears as they could away with their soft paws, chattering to him with reassuring squeaks. Lance gently lowered himself to the ground, holding the mice closely to his chest as he repeated apologies.

“You know, it’s my birthday coming up and, for the first time in my life, I’m absolutely dreading it because I know it’s gonna be absolutely awful for me. No one on the team knows it’s my birthday. Part of me desperately wants to tell them ‘cause who knows, maybe they’ll wanna celebrate and then everything will be okay. Then another part of me doesn’t want them to know. There’s a war on and that’s more important than one person’s birthday. I can just celebrate at home.” He told them softly. Lance let out a shaky sigh.

“I hate the fact that nothing I do at the moment feels like the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this but I guess being so far away from everything I knew kept me secure has pushed me too far. I’m starting to doubt if I’m even supposed to be a paladin. Maybe whatever gods had chosen this fate for me messed up? I hope I’m making sense to you guys.” Lance continued, absentmindedly stroking the mice’s heads. He cast a longing look up at the skies where thousands of stars twinkled back at him.

“C’mon, let’s head back. They’ll be wondering where you are and why I’m goofing off.” He remarked The mice squealed sharply in protest. Lance let out a small chuckle, the ghost of a smile creeping on to his face.

“Alright, alright. They’ll be wondering where _we_ are.” Drying his eyes, Lance picked himself up and made his way back towards the team’s campsite. “Hey, I’d prefer it if you didn’t tell Allura, or any of the others, about what just happened. Let this be our secret.”

The mice all shared a look before giving him a quick nod. Lance smiled back in relief. “Thank you.” He whispered.

Lance strode in to camp and yelled “Hey look who I found going to explore the jungle!”

Allura’s face brightened with a smile. “There they are! Thank you Lance. I was starting to worry about them.” She scooped the four mice up and cast him a brief grin before asking the mice about their travels. Thankfully, Lance’s secrets stayed safe.

Lance approached Matt and Keith who were both sat at the campfire, talking quietly. He sat down opposite them and stared at the fire, feeling exhausted. “Lance?” Matt queried. Lance gave a small wave.

“Are you alright?” Keith asked, staring at the blue paladin with the exact same stare Krolia had used. Lance forced himself to nod.

“Yeah, I just want to sit by the fire. I can move if you-“

“No, it’s okay!” Keith said a little too quickly. “Really. It’s fine Lance.”

“Actually, we were just talking about things we missed on Earth.” Matt added brightly. Lance felt his inside churn in nervousness.

“Oh?”

“Say, what do you miss?” Matt questioned. Lance gazed at the fire once more, trying to think of anything but his family as they ran the risk of making him cry again which was the last thing he wanted to do right now especially so close to the team.

“Varadero beach.” He blurted suddenly. “It was the beach near where I lived when I was in Cuba.” To Lance, Cuba was like his home. Most of his family lived there and it was where he had been raised before he had moved just before his tenth birthday. Then again, his immediate family were the heart and soul of his life. People often said home was where the heart was and Lance often felt his was back on Earth, breaking without him.

His family would be the one thing he would be desperately wishing to see this birthday even though he knew it was impossible.


	7. Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Relax, I’m only joking. I can sing waaaay better than that.” Lance bragged.
> 
> “Prove it.” Keith replied hotly. The others looked at him expectantly.
> 
> Lance shrunk in to himself slightly, not actually thinking the team would want to hear him. He gulped before nodding. “Okay.” Clearing his throat properly and doing a brief warm-up, Lance racked his brain for a song. His mind decided to take him back to Varadero beach on his thirteenth birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH WE'RE HALF WAY THERE   
> OH OH LIVIN' ON A PRAYER
> 
> In all seriousness, I'm really excited to publish this chapter as it's the half-way point of the fic (for now). For this chapter, I recommend listening to two songs. Both of these songs start at different points. Both starting are listed below and will have asterisks near by.
> 
> SONG 1:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BdsdgL4_wuY STARTS AT "His mind decided to take him back to Varadero beach on his thirteenth birthday".   
> SONG 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bndf5HBylj8 STARTS AT "He grinned, satisfied with himself."

_“Mama, this is embarrassing.” Lance whined, failing to hide his obvious smile. His mother shoved a plastic silver crown on to her son’s head, chortling. Blue gems were stuck upon the crown and there was matching glitter that was unfortunately flaking off over the floor as well as Lance’s hair. Photographs were taken and Lance obliged with dramatic poses. He blew kisses at the camera and pulled goofy faces, causing his family to cheer him on and laugh. They all they left for the beach, having returned to Cuba for Lance’s thirteenth birthday. Feeling the sand and sea between his toes again was the greatest sensation Lance had ever felt given the fact he had been separated from Varadero for so long._

* * *

The perilous jungle planet was far behind them but Lance’s troubles were not. His gloominess had been overwhelming the past few days. He sincerely hoped his spirits would rise once the team got closer to Earth. On a more positive note, the mice had kept to their promise. The team had no inkling of what really occurred on that jungle planet yet Lance sensed a few of them were suspicious if Keith and Krolia’s worried glances were anything to go by. Lance figured he’d have to tell a few more jokes to dissuade them from worrying about him.

The next planet the team arrived on was a bombardment of yellows where sand stretched for miles with the odd cave here and there. On top of that, the heat was blistering. Lance kicked up a mound of sand, regarding it with disinterest. Glimpsing around, he could see the team weren’t too thrilled either. “Well, at least it’s a change from those jungles and forests, right?” He tried joking, attempting to lighten the mood.

“Right. We’ll have to make do.” Shiro said decisively.

The team were all prepared for resting, nestled just outside one of the caves that conveniently had a pool of water for them to drink and bathe from. They all sat together on a group of rocks nearby, eating their rations for the day. The space mice left Allura’s side to sit by Lance on Kaltenecker’s head, evidently still wanting to reassure him after the jungle planet. Not that he minded. The team were puzzled slightly but no one asked any questions. Time went by, marked by small conversations.

Quite suddenly, Hunk threw his hands in the air and gave a groan, making everyone stare at him. “Man! This planet is so hot, I can barely think.” He complained, nursing his forehead. Everyone shared his sentiments even Lance who was used to hot weather.

“Lance, we could use that humming now to cheer us up.” Pidge said sarcastically.

“Alright! It’s Lancey-Lance’s moment to shine~.” Lance joked before dramatically clearing his throat and pretending to sing terribly. “One hundred bottles of soda on the wall, one hundred bottles of soda! Take one down, pass it around…”

“LANCE!” The rest of the group yelled in exasperation. He shot them a teasing grin.

“Relax, I’m only joking. I can sing waaaay better than that.” Lance bragged.

“Prove it.” Keith replied hotly. The others looked at him expectantly.

Lance shrunk in to himself slightly, not actually thinking the team would want to hear him. He gulped before nodding. “Okay.” Clearing his throat properly and doing a brief warm-up, Lance racked his brain for a song.* His mind decided to take him back to Varadero beach on his thirteenth birthday.*

* * *

 

_“Sing us a song, nieto.” Lance’s abuelita cooed, holding a guitar in Lance’s direction. Lance grinned, straightened his birthday crown before taking the guitar and lightly strumming it._

_“I was scared of dentists and the dark. I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations. Oh, all my friends are turning green. You're the magician's assistant in their dreams._ _Oh, oh and they come unstuck.” Lance began to do a slight shimmy as the chorus began. His family clapped along._

_“Lady, running down to the riptide. Taken away to the dark side. I wanna be your left hand man. I love you when you're singing that song and I got a lump in my throat 'cause you're gonna sing the words wrong.”_

_Lance continued to play the guitar, getting up and dancing around his family. “There’s this movie that I think you'll like. This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City. This cowboy's running from himself and she's been living on the highest shelf. Oh, oh and they come unstuck.”_

_His siblings then pulled their mother and other relatives to their feet to dance to Lance’s music, joining in where they knew the words. Lance repeated the chorus, revelling in his family’s enjoyment. Sand flew everywhere and Lance’s mother nearly toppled over due to Luis’ rowdy and rambunctious dancing. Lance was laughing in the middle of his words but couldn’t care less due to how joyful they all were. The bridge then began and the family lulled to a hush to listen to Lance’s voice in all its glory._

_“I just wanna, I just wanna know. If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay. I just gotta, I just gotta know. I can't have it. I can't have it any other way. I swear she's destined for the screen. Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you've ever seen, oh.”_

_Then, in a much softer and quieter tone, Lance sang the chorus and his family looked on in awe. “Lady, running down to the riptide. Taken away to the dark side. I wanna be your left hand man. I love you when you're singing that song and I got a lump in my throat 'cause you're gonna sing the words wrong.”_

_Two more rounds of the chorus were sung by everyone. “Lady, running down to the riptide. Taken away to the dark side. I wanna be your left hand man. I love you when you're singing that song and I got a lump in my throat 'cause you're gonna sing the words wrong. Lady, running down to the riptide. Taken away to the dark side. I wanna be your left hand man. I love you when you're singing that song and I got a lump in my throat 'cause you're gonna sing the words wrong.”_

_“I got a lump in my throat because you're gonna sing the words wrong.” Lance finished the song, bowing with an exaggerated bow whilst his family applauded enthusiastically. *He grinned, satisfied with himself.* There were many zealous demands for another song and so Lance obliged with a slower song to accompany the dawning sunset in all its pale pinks and peachy oranges. The waves softly crashed in the background, creating a peaceful atmosphere. He picked up his guitar, counted himself in and began._

* * *

 

Lance sang the second song that came to mind, feeling it was more appropriate to the team’s current situation. He avoided looking at the team, focusing on the words of the song. Instead, Lance shut his eyes and imagined he was singing to his family back on Varadero for another birthday or celebration. “I walked across an empty land. I knew the pathway like the back of my hand. I felt the earth beneath my feet, sat by the river and it made me complete. Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on. So tell me when you're gonna let me in. I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin. ”

“I came across a fallen tree. I felt the branches of it looking at me. Is this the place we used to love? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on. So tell me when you're gonna let me in. I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin.”

Lance’s voice became stronger as he began to feel the music burst from within him. His eyes opened to reveal a fierce fire flickering within. He sang passionately, voice quivering slightly from emotion. “And if you have a minute, why don't we go? Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go? Somewhere only we know?”

“Oh, simple thing, where have you gone? I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on. So tell me when you're gonna let me in. I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin.” The human members of the team joined in briefly, recognising the song, and Lance gave a small smile of gratefulness.

“And if you have a minute, why don't we go? Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go? So why don't we go? This could be the end of everything. So why don't we go? Somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know? Somewhere only we know?” Lance’s song drew to a close and the team were silent for a moment, looking thoroughly astounded. Then, they broke out in to applause.

Keith smirked. “Nice job.”

“It was nothing really.” Lance flushed, embarrassed. Kaltenecker mooed with pride, nuzzling her head against Lance’s chin as the mice praised him with amazed squeaks.

A thrum of appreciation swelled within Lance and, for a little while, he felt like a valued member of the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MICKSKICKS FOR INSPIRING ME TO ADD THE SINGING SCENE. I only had the Riptide flashback planned but they asked for a scene where Lance sings and I couldn't resist adding another one! Feel free to suggest additional things to add!


	8. Burnt out candles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sitting idly by Kaltenecker, Lance made himself busy by vigorously scrubbing the remains of blue wax from his helmet after shifting the massive heap he’d collected in to one of his spare containment boxes. It lay beside him, all tidied away. His helmet was a state, sticky and squelching from the goo. He was thankful Coran had remembered to pack sponges and that there was a small stream nearby to help. All the while, Lance grumbled to himself, promising not to repeat the mistake again. His helmet was practically gleaming by the time he was done. His reflection could be seen, warped slightly by the angle he was viewing it from. Satisfied, Lance put the helmet and cleaning equipment to one side, gathering all the twigs he had brought with him from the edge of the tranquil meadow. He began whittling one, carefully with each caress of the pen knife he had borrowed from Hunk. Lance knew there wouldn’t be any wicks for his makeshift candles so he figured wood would be the next best thing. He wasn’t much of an artist but it’d have to do.

_“Hip-hip hooray!”_

_The family’s cheering was rapturous, resounding around the small beach shack. The shack itself was withering with age, evident by the fading colours and weary wood. Yet it still adored and used to hold festivities such as Lance’s sixteenth. This was going to be the last time Lance would see his entire family for a long while. He was setting off for The Garrison again in less than a week. This was the only time Iverson had permitted him to visit home. Putting this thought to the very back of his mind, Lance hollered alongside his family, caught up in all the jubilation. Before him, a rectangular cake sat on the table, covered with dark blue frosting, edible yellow stars and as many planets as the decorators could fit. There were sixteen candles sticking out of the cake. Eight were grouped together on or near Mars. One candle was on its own, jabbing in to Earth. The rest were all over the place but Lance didn’t mind. He valued the cake too much, specially designed by his family out of love for him. The smoke blew from the candles, filling the shack with the freshly burnt yet syrupy, celebratory scent only birthday candles could seem to emit._

* * *

While the others rested, Lance stayed awake and glowered at his phone’s calendar for what felt like the hundredth time during the trip back to Earth. The dread in his stomach refused to stop its relentless gnawing, reminding him that his birthday was right around the corner. The date displayed on the calendar wasn’t phased in the slightest. It was fixed, unavoidable. He would have to face it. Lance closed his phone and forced it down on the top of his jacket next to him as he sat on the coarse sand. Sullenly, Lance dragged his knees in to himself, hugged his arms tightly around them and lowered his head in defeat.

No.

Lance’s head rose sharply. He was Lance, the blue paladin of Voltron. He was the one who breathed the life in to parties and made them memorable. His family would want him to enjoy his birthday, no matter where he was. He had to make the most of this situation. Sure, he had been feeling off and more homesick than usual but that was to be expected. Everyone went through stages like this.

Decisively, Lance grabbed his phone and instantly brought up his notes app. It glowed warmly as if aware of the paladin’s plan. He knew what he had to do.

As soon as Lance spotted a planet, he alerted the team and together they all descended towards it. The second he landed, Lance exited Red with a vigorous bounce in his every step. He was greeted with the tranquil view of a soft lilac meadow peppered with cobalt flowers curling upwards and a gust of gentle breezes hurrying by trees of all sizes which surrounded the outskirts of the meadow. Each tree had a thick mauve trunk and branches bursting with bushels of see-through leaves tinged navy. There were two equally-pale suns sharing one indigo sky. It was certainly a thankful welcome from the harsh conditions of the previous desolate desert planet.

Lance decided to put his plan in to motion. Eagerly, he pleaded “Let me scout the area! I wanna explore.” The team exchanged a befuddled look before Keith nodded noticing Lance was starting to fidget, accidentally crushing the delicate flowers beneath his feet.

“Alright. Take your bayard and remember to report back immediately if there’s any danger.” He said before adding “Take my wolf with you. Just in case.”

Lance scoffed incredulously. “Dude, you need to settle on a proper name for this wolf.” Keith simply sighed in response and urged Lance along, shoving him slightly.

With the wolf flanking his heels, Lance briskly trudged through the meadow. His real reason for leaping at the chance for scouting duty was so he could attempt to find natural resources to create something to celebrate with on his birthday. After all, Lance was acutely aware that a party couldn’t be a birthday party without things like balloons or the candles for cakes. He had been to and held enough to know this.

Lance plodded through more abundant layers of grass, humming absent-mindedly to keep his spirits up. Keith’s wolf teleported to the end of the meadow almost as if it was mocking him and Lance felt flickers of annoyance contort his face. He reached the wolf a moment or two later. “If you think you’re funny, trust me you’re not.” Lance remarked sullenly, glowering as he crossed his arms disapprovingly. He could have sworn the smug creature was smirking deviously at him. “Like owner, like pet.” Lance muttered, swiftly moving ahead in to a cluster of mauve trees. The wolf dashed after him.

As branch after branch tickled his face, scratching the delicate sores already on his face, Lance began to doubt he would see a sign of something he could use other than the tree bark and see-through leaves which didn’t sound particularly festive to him unless he had other items. Like the mysterious azure substance oozing from a gaping hole within the tree-

Wait, what the heck was _that_?

Lance whistled for the wolf to halt in in its tracks, causing it to stand impressively still, defensive yet cautious of the ooze. Hesitantly, Lance scooped a large amount of the mysterious substance up in to his hand and was surprised to find it wasn’t as squidgy as he initially thought but definitely gooey. Inside the hole it came from, the goo-like material was hardening in to wax. Lance gasped and exclaimed breathlessly “Holy crow! I could make my own candles.” It then occurred to Lance he had nothing to put the substance in to as all the spare boxes he had were all the way back in Red. He glanced around to see if he could dump it inside something and sneak it back without the others noticing. He didn’t want questioning right now. He tried putting it on some of the fallen bark and leaves but it dribbled off, making squelching noises that caused Lance to gag as it splatted his feet. An idea popped in to Lance’s head. A foolish one but Lance had run out of other options at this point. He put the mixture of ooze, bark and leaves down. Unenthusiastically, Lance removed his helmet and shovelled the ooze in to his helmet, muttering curses. The wolf looked on in confusion, tilting its head in a way Lance would have considered adorable if he was paying attention. “C’mon Wolf. We should let the team know this planet is safe.” Lance called over his shoulder made his way back through the meadow, tilting his helmet close to his chest. Its contents sloshed and gurgled. Lance hoped it wouldn’t make too much of a mess inside his helmet.

Sitting idly by Kaltenecker, Lance made himself busy by vigorously scrubbing the remains of blue wax from his helmet after shifting the massive heap he’d collected in to one of his spare containment boxes. It lay beside him, all tidied away. His helmet was a state, sticky and squelching from the goo. He was thankful Coran had remembered to pack sponges and that there was a small stream nearby to help. All the while, Lance grumbled to himself, promising not to repeat the mistake again. His helmet was practically gleaming by the time he was done. His reflection could be seen, warped slightly by the angle he was viewing it from. Satisfied, Lance put the helmet and cleaning equipment to one side, gathering all the twigs he had brought with him from the edge of the tranquil meadow. He began whittling one, carefully with each caress of the pen knife he had borrowed from Hunk. Lance knew there wouldn’t be any wicks for his makeshift candles so he figured wood would be the next best thing. He wasn’t much of an artist but it’d have to do.

* * *

_Lance’s mother was a wonderful artist. She could capture the entire soul of a person with just one stroke of her mighty paintbrush or pencils. Lance was in awe of her skills and begged her relentlessly to teach him. When she caved in, his mother brought him his own sketchbook and watercolour pencils. At first, Lance enjoyed the basics and shading but it grew tiresome when he realised it would take a while until he would be half as good as her. “Lance, the only way you can get better at any skill is to practice. There’s always room for improvement.” She would remind him firmly whenever he whined. He decided to keep at it, determined to improve. His sketchbook was back on Earth, somewhere at The Garrison, along with a bunch of other items Lance found himself suddenly recalling day by day._

* * *

“Dude, what’s that?” Hunk asked, noticing the makeshift wick.

“A candle wick!” Lance beamed back.

“Okay… Why are you making one?”

“I missed candles so I decided to make some with this goop I found.” Lance stated, only half-lying.

“Do you even know how to make them?” Hunk inquired, worried.

“Not really.” Lance confessed. “It can’t be too hard though, can it?” He added as he placed the penknife down and rolled the wick in some of the goo. It nearly sunk to the bottom. Lance grimaced as he slowly plucked it out, goo plopping off the ends. Hunk’s face creased in disgust.

“Have fun with that.” He dismissed, wanting to be as far away from the goo as possible. Lance gave him a brief wave, too engrossed in his candles.

By the time Lance had made his candles (which used up the entirety of the goo save for a small blob), it was nightfall. There were no stars above; just a heap of clouds and the light from twin moons peeking out from under them. Lance’s fingers ached painfully from their bones but it was worth it.

The first stage of his plan was complete.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to FlamingPotatoArson for giving me some tips as well as the inspiration for Lance's mother being an artist/Lance having a sketchbook. I'm sorry this chapter took so long! I've been working on the next one as well ^^' That one will be up soon!


	9. Decorations came tumbling down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inside the house, the streamers had collapsed on the ground, unable to stay up any longer. Lance stormed in, unwittingly trampling the streamers in the process. He glanced around, realising what had happened and burst in to tears at the sight. His mother engulfed him in a hug. “There, there.” She fussed, rubbing circles in to his back. 
> 
> “B-but it was really good! I did it all on my own and now it’s all ruined!” Lance stammered out between sobs. 
> 
> “I’m sure it was, Hijo. Lose those tears for me. You don’t want to be crying on your birthday, hmm?” Lance’s mother soothed, running her fingers tenderly through the boy’s hair. He shook his head and dried his eyes briskly with his sleeve. 
> 
> “Now then, let’s fix this. We’ll work together and put all the decorations back up.” His mother reasoned, already reaching for the fallen streamers. Lance shook his head again and looked ready to cry again. 
> 
> “The streamers are damaged.” He whimpered, bottom lip quivering. His mother pursed her lips in thought. Marco spoke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY BIRTHDAY LANCE!   
> I wanted this chapter to be up a lot sooner but it ended up longer than I intended ;-; I hope I can finish this fic within Lance's birthday week! I really hope you all enjoy this chapter.

_Lance always loved decorations. From streamers to confetti, he would marvel at the ways they could set the tone for an entire occasion. Such as how silver or gold ones created a dignified and prestigious event like a graduation. Even varied shades of the same colour could change the mood for the whole event. Pastel ribbons of blue made the event out to be a pleasant and tranquil whereas darker shades of purple or outright black hinted at a much more sombre event, full of mourning over things gone by and hopeful futures lost. Lance always took care when picking out the colours of his decorations. After all, he wouldn’t want to give someone the wrong impression._

* * *

“New day, new planet.” Lance murmured to himself as he landed Red down alongside the rest of the lions. The first thing he noticed was that the entire planet was concealed with a drab and dismal mix of the worst browns and greys, making it look frightfully boring. Lance bit back a snarky sneer as he noticed some of the locals. They were done up in many bright colours conveyed in patterned clothing. Every design was unique to the person wearing it with silhouettes of what Lance assumed was the wearer’s achievements throughout their lives. The more aged the local was, the more complex and detailed their clothing. One woman wore a mighty multi-coloured shawl that depicted her fighting off an enormous bear-like creature fervent for her blood with only her hands for weapons.

The locals bowed lowly towards the paladins. “Welcome Voltron to the planet Mythos. We, the mythions, are honoured to have been blessed with your arrival. You may call me Dahlia.” The High Priestess mythion declared, her head bobbing humbly in respect. She was ridiculously tall, towering over the group even Shiro and Hunk to Lance’s amazement. Dahila’s eyes locked on to Lance the second they noticed his stare. He could see they were a deep, mournful maroon, pitying him for some reason Lance was apprehensive to find the answer to.

“Thank you. We’re honoured to be here.” Shiro replied, giving a small half-bow of his own. The others in the group followed suit.

“We hope you enjoy your stay here on Mythos. Please, if you require anything at all, don’t hesitate to ask any number of us. We’ll be more than happy to help.” Dahlia gave them all a soft smile before ushering two mythions to lead the team to their accommodations for the night.

One of the mythions was a perky female who was heartily talking to as many people on the team as she could, easily switching from one conversation to another. Her skin was marked by delicately painted markings, contrasting her dark skin with their white paint and extravagant designs. The other mythion was also female but she was considerably quieter than her counterpart, offering a smile and comment now and then. She seemed to spend more of her time thinking, mulling over things she couldn’t quite share. In a way, she looked troubled by her thoughts, biting her upper lip worryingly. This mythion bared the same markings as her counterpart (except they were more of a grey) and the same coloured eyes of High Priestess Dahlia. Both mythions wore pea-green cloaks that were unfortunately void of stitched silhouettes.

“You couldn’t have come at a better time!” The livelier mythion chirped. “It’s the annual Festival of Colours.”

“Ah, yes. The Mythos Festival of Colours. I remember my grandfather telling me about it.” Coran remarked, twirling his moustache with dignity.

“What is that exactly?” Lance asked. He glanced briefly at the uninspiring ground before him. There were barely any colours in sight so how could this planet celebrate an entire festival dedicated to them?

“It’s where the entire planet lights up in a wonderful display of colours.” The calmest of the mythion pair explained. The group later learnt she was named Freesia and her companion was her sister named Hibiscus.

“It’s amazing! You’re really lucky to witness it. I remember the first time I saw it…” Hibiscus gushed, launching in to her memories of celebrations as the group were lead to their rooms. Lance was the last one still walking with the pair given how his room was the furthest away from the others.

“…and that’s how I got this scar!” Hibiscus stated, gleefully indicating to a long pink line etched under her left eye.

“I seem to recall Aunt Dahlia wasn’t impressed by that endeavour.” Freesia remarked as she gave her sister a thin smile.

“Let bygones be bygones.” Hibiscus replied back nonchalantly. The three of them stopped outside of a pair of blue doors.

“Well, here’s your room, Lance.” Hibiscus said with a joyful tone back in her voice once more.

“Let us know if you need anything. We’ll be down the hall.” Freesia added. The pair gave him a wave each before walking off together. Or rather Freesia calmly walked and Hibiscus merrily pranced, feet skimming the marble floors.

Lance had to give the mythions credit. The insides of their buildings were intricately decorated; colours practically popped from every surface. The amount of blues inside his room alone was astounding. There was one Lance would call sea-blue decorating his bedsheets and a hue similar to ice-blue woven in to an enormous rug that swamped the wooden floor and made the entire room feel homely. On the bedside table (which was a slightly worn down shade of sapphire), there was a small brown pouch stringed securely shut. With his nosiness peaked, Lance tugged it open eagerly and was puzzled to see little blue bits inside. He gingerly plucked one out and inspected it. Upon further investigation, Lance was surprised to note that it was confetti except much more delicate. He dropped it from where he was standing and watched it flutter gracefully on to the rug. It faintly reminded him of the assortment of decorations he had attempted to use for his eighth birthday.

* * *

 

_Lance was delighted by the fact he had put up his decorations by himself without help from his older family members. The streamers were tackily taped to the doorframes in the house and the balloons were all bundled upon the table along with the strewn confetti, spilt all over. Yet Lance was too pleased with his handiwork to grasp its many flaws. Gleefully, he ran in to the garden to tell his mother. Now they all had more time to play and sing without having to do the gruelling task of decorating! “Mama! I decorated the house all by myself like a big boy!” He shrieked as he sprinted towards his mother who was helping his brother Marco with the paddling pool. “That’s wonderful!” She called back, grasping the pool while Marco inflated it with a foot pump._

_“Come and see! Come and see!” Lance pleaded, tugging his mother’s arm impatiently._

_“Hang on a moment Lance! We’ll finish the pool and then look at your decorations.” She scolded lightly, shaking his arm off. He apologised and waited, hopping from one foot to another in anticipation. The pool was soon filled to the brim with water and they could all see Lance’s decorating._

_Inside the house, the streamers had collapsed on the ground, unable to stay up any longer. Lance stormed in, unwittingly trampling the streamers in the process. He glanced around, realising what had happened and burst in to tears at the sight. His mother engulfed him in a hug. “There, there.” She fussed, rubbing circles in to his back._

_“B-but it was really good! I did it all on my own and now it’s all ruined!” Lance stammered out between sobs._

_“I’m sure it was, Hijo. Lose those tears for me. You don’t want to be crying on your birthday, hmm?” Lance’s mother soothed, running her fingers tenderly through the boy’s hair. He shook his head and dried his eyes briskly with his sleeve._

_“Now then, let’s fix this. We’ll work together and put all the decorations back up.” His mother reasoned, already reaching for the fallen streamers. Lance shook his head again and looked ready to cry again._

_“The streamers are damaged.” He whimpered, bottom lip quivering. His mother pursed her lips in thought. Marco spoke up._

_“Why don’t we just put the balloons up? If we can save any of the streamers, we can put tie them to the balloons.”_

_Lance immediately agreed to this idea, face lighting up. “Can we?” He asked his mother excitedly. She grinned._

_“Of course, Lance.” The three of them got to work, separating the usable decorations from the wrecked ones. Shreds of silver streamers were wrapped around the ends of the balloons which soon marked every doorway of the house. The cerulean confetti was brushed evenly out on the table yet still retained the odd sprinkling Lance had originally done. The birthday boy himself was immensely impressed with their accomplishments, deciding that the three of them had done a much better job than Lance’s previous attempt. There were no more tears on that birthday; only smiles and eager-eyed stares at magnificent decorating._

* * *

The Festival of Colours was well under way with all the civilians of Mythos crowding the streets in their clothes of many colours, creating a rainbow that danced about everywhere and anywhere it could. With his brown pouch in hand, Lance squirmed his way amidst the hordes of locals. Through a particularly rowdy bunch, Lance twisted by and caught sight of his team, Freesia, Hibiscus and the High Priestess Dahlia gathered at a table, chatting idly. A lump painfully clogged Lance’s throat. Why hadn’t anyone come to get him to tell him they were meeting? The only indication he had had about the festival starting was the ruckus of noises that kicked off outside the windows and walls of his room. Lance struggled to swallow his hurt. The others had probably assumed he was celebrating alongside the locals, living in the thrill of it all. He was supposed to be their goofball after all, easily distracted by trivial matters that he had no place in and irresponsibly indulging himself.

A local draped a lengthy sapphire scarf over Lance, catching him off guard and reigning in his gloomy thoughts. “Oh! Uh, thanks for the, um, scarf.” He managed to splutter, dazed. The local chortled back, giving a wink.

“Consider that a gift of thanks for everything you paladins do. Besides, it’s the Festival of Colours! You should celebrate with us.” He crooned, arms wildly gesturing to swarm of mythions who gathered around and danced with each other. They were entirely lost in their joy and festivities, making the whole universe seem lighter as if all the struggles Lance had faced outside of the planet Mythos were non-existent. Lance felt himself smile at that, both sadly and softly.

Then, there was a jubilant scream from inside the gathering and a choir of cheers. Light began to burst through the surface of the ground and suddenly the planet became engulfed by colours. The trees, once a ruddy brown, became a vibrant red with their leaves a magnificent, fiery orange that demanded attention and burnt fiercely against the setting sun. Lance barely had a second to glance at it before a swarm of yellow assaulted his vision, colouring patches of the ground before him. Green glows snaked around pillars and rocks Lance hadn’t given any thought to before, now captured at how they glided from surface to surface. Purples and pinks fizzled before exploding in to the evening sky like fireworks except there was more flair since they had more sparks and flames. This made the locals’ cheers escalate to a deafening roar that competed with the ear-splitting screech of the explosions of light.

To Lance, the most mesmerising part came when the blues erupted from all the nooks, crannies and cracks possible. The blues danced, twisting and twirling around everything in its wake. They ensnared Lance with the way they gallivanted and played. The blues had so much energy that the moment Lance’s eyes so much as glimpsed at them, he was enraptured. He felt like he hadn’t experienced life in such an overwhelming yet frightfully astounding state. Lance felt emotions he couldn’t describe come hurtling down upon him as a sea of blue streams swept over the entire planet and forcibly tore the breath from Lance’s lungs. Lance avidly gaped at the sensational views, abruptly enamoured by the planet and its locals with their charming customs as well as the festival itself. It was over much faster than Lance wanted it to be, though the colours remained prominently.

The local who had given him the scarf clapped Lance on the back with his burly hands, awakening Lance from his enthralled trance. Lance turned sharply to the local and breathlessly whispered “That was incredible.” There were hardly any words that could come close to describe what Lance had felt in that moment. The local laughed.

“The first experience is always memorable.” He replied fondly. He bent down and scooped up the pouch Lance hadn’t realised he had dropped in his awe. “Here, I believe this is yours. It’s for the festivities.”

Lance took the pouch back before a thought occurred to him. “Do you know where I could get any decorations?”

The mythion looked befuddled for a moment before a knowing look crossed his face. “Funnily enough, that’s what I sell alongside scarves and other clothes. If you’re lucky, I might have some left over. Don’t worry about paying. You paladins do enough for the universe as it is.” He shuffled to a rickety stand and heaved a box from underneath the dirtied tablecloth. He ushered Lance over.

“Woah…” Lance remarked as he gazed at the contents of the box. There were streamers and paper lanterns heaped on top of each other, all of them different shades of blue.

“Take your pick. I figured you’d enjoy these ones.” The local advised with a small laugh.

“How’d you know?” Lance questioned as he picked up one of the lanterns and examined it. The mythion smiled again.

“The way you looked at those blues.” He said simply. “Now then, I take it you’ll be wanting quite a few of these?”

* * *

 

Lance returned to Red with a rather big load of lanterns and streamers, much to the lion’s bemusement. “Hey Red! These are just for a little thing I’m doing. You’re alright with me bringing them, right?” He shouted up to his lion, trying to hold the box with the decorations steady. Red’s open jaw was all the answers he needed as he carried his decorations inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope no one minds I created a new planet and race! I just wanted to include Mythos somewhere in one of my fics ^^'


	10. Dancing solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The blue paladin cursed under his breath. Perhaps he should of paid more attention to what the others were saying. He turned his own communications on reluctantly and sheepishly asked “What do I think of what?” The group gave an exasperated groan.
> 
> “C’mon Lance! Pay attention.” Pidge snapped, irritated.
> 
> “Sorry! I was just…“ Lance tried to defend himself only to be curtly cut off by Keith.
> 
> “Lance, you’ve been more distracted than usual lately. Is something bothering you?”
> 
> Lance felt his entire body tense up. His grip on Red’s control’s hardened, causing his hands to throb horrendously. The team weren’t able to see his disgruntled glare but Lance aimed it towards them nonetheless. “I’m fine.” He said tersely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank you all again for your amazing support! All the comments, kudos and bookmarks keep me motivated :D
> 
> Heads up! : There's another two song recommendations for this chapter. 
> 
> First one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JywK_5bT8z0 
> 
> This one starts straight away but it should finish at "Look, everything's good. I'm just tired and.." 
> 
> Second one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJm1pOswfM
> 
> It starts at "When Lance turned eleven...". Hopefully it finishes at "The song faded out..."!

_The music blared through the house and Lance sang along, warbling the lyrics with his family as they all grouped together to dance. "Sugar, ahh, honey, honey. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you. Honey, ahh, sugar, sugar. You are my candy girl and you got me wanting you."_

___Soon, everyone was up on their feet and taking great delight in dancing as one group. It was a sweet song in the sense that the lyrics were dedicated to someone’s candy girl, much to Lance’s confusion. Having just turned four, Lance couldn’t understand the lyrics, even the ones he knew. He enjoyed the music regardless. Lance clutched Marco’s hand and begged to be spun. Marco complied, smugly turning his younger brother in dizzying pirouettes. However, Lance rejoiced in it and was soon gracefully twirling around in time to the music, giggling jubilantly. The family encouraged him with fervent claps and cries of “Go Lance!” Even Marco got caught up in their enthusiasm. _ _Though some of the family were horribly off-key and the rest didn't understand or even know the words, everyone was too engrossed with their fun to find any faults in that moment. T _he laughter within the house was bright and full of merriness. It was intoxicating, to say the least, as there was no one left who wasn't laughing along with everyone else. It passed through them, bubbling and brimming until the whole house was revitalised by their happiness. Lance was the happiest of all, singing his heart out with as much energy as he could give.____ _ _

* * *

Lance idly hummed to himself as he flew in Red, once again preoccupied by his memories. The song in question was by The Archies and was a firm favourite of Lance’s given how vividly he could remember pirouetting to it. The communications fuzzed annoyingly in the background as the group discussed zealously over them. Lance elected to ignore their conversation and carry on humming. Besides, he only had the communications on in case of an emergency. Lance figured he could afford to ignore the others right now. He mumbled a couple of lyrics to himself, bopping to the rhythm drumming inside his head. Kaltenecker mooed along with him, trying to join in.  He was perfectly content in his memories until Allura directly addressed him.

“What do you think Lance?” Her tone would have come across a friendly and warm had Lance not known her any better. He could tell that Allura was actually growing impatient, though if it was him or one of the others Lance had no clue.

The blue paladin cursed under his breath. Perhaps he should of paid more attention to what the others were saying. He turned his own communications on reluctantly and sheepishly asked “What do I think of what?” The group gave an exasperated groan.

“C’mon Lance! Pay attention.” Pidge snapped, irritated.

“Sorry! I was just…“ Lance tried to defend himself only to be curtly cut off by Keith.

“Lance, you’ve been more distracted than usual lately. Is something bothering you?”

Lance felt his entire body tense up. His grip on Red’s control’s hardened, causing his hands to throb horrendously. The team weren’t able to see his disgruntled glare but Lance aimed it towards them nonetheless. “I’m fine.” He said tersely.

“Lance.” Krolia pleaded. Guilt scalded Lance’s insides so viciously that he nearly caved in and told them everything. He swallowed heavily before replying.

“Look, everything’s good. I’m just tired and I miss Earth…” Lance snapped his mouth shut, clenching his jaw as tightly as he could. He hadn’t meant to tell them about his homesickness. The words had escaped from him, squirming their traitorous ways from his brain through his hoarse throat before seeping from his unwitting mouth.

“I miss Earth too.” Hunk added solemnly. His voice sounded extremely small, akin to a lost child.

“Lance, we all miss Earth but right now we can’t think about our heartache.” Shiro responded, trying to both console Lance and refocus him.

Lance began to panic, feeling as if he had lost control of Red which made the insides of the lion spin violently. This is exactly why he hadn’t wanted to say anything in the first place. On one hand, the team made him feel guilty for completely overlooking that they too were grieving their departure from Earth. On the other hand, the team also swept aside his concerns as it distracted everyone from the bigger picture at hand, namely their current mission to Earth in order to recreate the Castle of Lions.

“Right. Sorry everyone.” was all Lance could say in response.

“Wait, Lance, you didn’t…” Shiro began to protest but Lance switched off his communications entirely. To brighten his spirits, Lance glanced at his gathering of birthday supplies as well as Kaltenecker who wore the scarf Lance had obtained at the planet Mythos. He flashed her quick grin when she mooed in concern.

“Lancey-Lance is fine, Kaltenecker. Don’t worry.” Lance reassured the cow the same way his mother used to whenever he got upset. In an odd sense, it comforted him instead.

* * *

 

_When Lance turned eleven, he grew to enjoy “olden-timey”, as he put it, music by artists like Lesley Gore or The 4 Seasons or The Carpenters. At his birthday party, he pleaded for such music to be played. His family conceded his wishes, simply stating “He’s the birthday boy” and enjoying the event in all its glory. Lance made the entire thing more memorable by clambering upon a wooden chair and serenading his family. He attempted to copy the singer’s voice, running his fingers through his hair in a way he thought was cool. “You’re just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you.”_

_“Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing else to compare. The sight of you leaves me weak. There are no words left to speak but if you feel like I feel, please let me know that it’s real. You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you.” Lance continued, giving a wink for effect._

_There was an instrumental break in the music where Lance hopped from his stage upon the chair and danced with his captivated audience, yanking them to their feet. Everyone became lost in the music, carefree of troubled thoughts and full from celebration. Laughter swarmed the air as the dancing became more energetic and the dancers more euphoric, jiving and grooving with him._

_All of them began singing alongside Lance. “I love you baby and if it's quite all right, I need you baby to warm the lonely night. I love you baby! Trust in me when I say: Oh, pretty baby. Don't bring me down I pray. Oh, pretty baby. Now that I've found you, stay and let me love you, baby. Let me love you.”_

* * *

“You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. At long last love has arrived and I thank God I'm alive. You’re just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off you.” Lance decided to cheer himself up by singing another song from his memories. He had the song playing out loud from his phone which he balanced on top of Red’s control panel. This time, he sang to Kaltenecker who made her amusement known through encouraging moos.

"I love you, baby and if it's quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm a lonely night. I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say: Oh, pretty baby. Don't bring me down, I pray.  
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay. Oh pretty baby. Trust in me when I say: I need you baby. Oh, when you come my way. Oh, pretty baby. Now that I've found you stay and let me love you, baby. Let me love you...” The song faded out and Lance faked bows to an imaginary audience whilst Kaltenecker mooed in approval, the proudest (and only real) audience member. Lance then enthusiastically blew kisses to his ‘audience’.

“Thank you, thank you! You’re too kind!” He praised, posing.

His attention then turned to his phone, noticing it had changed to another song. Lance resolved to just letting the music play. It filled up the silence in Red’s cockpit. Lance frowned. Even with his trusty pet cow in Red as well, Lance felt lonely. As much as he enjoyed having Kaltenecker along, she couldn’t sing along and dance to his music. There wasn’t anyone willing to do that with him. Lance considered turning on his communications and attempting to convince the others to sing with him, hand already near the button. He changed his mind after his last conversation with them flashed before him.

_“Lance, we all miss Earth but right now we can’t think about our heartache.”_

_“Right. Sorry everyone.”_

Lance wasn’t sure if the team would be willing to after how he had left that conversation. He sighed in frustration before turning his music up to block out his miserable musings.

At least he had his music to dance to even if it was solo.


	11. All tied up with ribbons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a couple more failed attempts, Lance’s patience was wearing thinner with every new effort to get the team to ask “Hey Lance is your birthday coming up? You keep mentioning it over and over again!” Okay, so maybe he was being unfair to the team. It wasn’t like Lance was explicitly telling them it was his birthday but in his defence Lance felt that he was being fairly obvious. For example, he kept retelling memories of his birthdays. Surely one of them had picked up on that!
> 
> Taking a breath to calm down, Lance tried again. “Hey I’m pretty sure I’ve done all the talking…”
> 
> “As usual.” Pidge quipped dryly. Lance ignored her comment.
> 
> “Why don’t you guys share more memories and stuff?” Lance suggested. He silently prayed he was making himself sound as inconspicuous as possible to the others.
> 
> “Like what?” Keith asked bluntly.

_Lance wasn’t a selfish or materialistic person but he enjoyed getting presents. They made him feel cherished, loved. His family always surprised him with their unwavering generosity as they showered him with gifts year after year. His mother’s wrapping was the prettiest. The wrapping paper neatly and meretriciously covered every inch of the presents contained inside bound together with a satin sapphire and silver-spotted ribbon. His siblings had all tried to replicate her immaculate style and failed hilariously. Oddly shaped with lumps and gaps, each present was tangled in unevenly cut ribbons but at least each one was wrapped with love. That was all that mattered to Lance. To their credit, his siblings’ wrapping skills had developed greatly by the time his sixteenth birthday came around._

_Marco (who had the patience of a saint) managed to come close to their mother’s wrapping whereas Veronica resolved to just stick hers unwrapped in glittery bags. Thankfully, they were taped shut and had labels on reading “To Lancey-Lance, love from Ronnie”. Then there was Luis’ wrapping which involved tissue-paper inside white boxes, decorative markers and sparkly stickers of sharks and other ocean-dwelling creatures. Lance could tell who each gift was from based on how they looked. The personality of each family member burst from each one, right down to the type of ribbon used. Lance adored how far his family would go to show him their unwavering love even through something as trivial and meaningless as wrapping presents._

* * *

It only just occurred to Lance that celebrating his birthday alone would be difficult from him given the fact he was so used to his family swarming him with love and sharing his special day with him. He had been so engrossed with gathering everything that Lance hadn’t stopped to think through his celebration plans. From inside Red, he stared at Kaltenecker, snoozing serenely. She’d probably go along with it, not even understanding what bizarre things her human was up to. The space mice would probably join him if he asked and as for the space wolf…

Actually, Lance wasn’t sure if he wanted the wolf there after the ooze planet. The space wolf had definitely been mocking him back on that planet with its ‘amazing’ teleportation powers. That smug little-

Regardless, Lance would probably be the only human present at his pity party. He was still debating whether or not he should tell the team about his birthday. None of the others had done anything particularly special during their birthdays. Perhaps they were rewarded with an extra hour to lazily lounge around in bed or the pleasure of leaving training early but never a huge festivity like Lance was accustomed to. Would the others even join in with him if he told them? He could imagine the response being along the lines of “C’mon Lance, we’re at war. Do you really think we have time for your silly little party right now?”

No, the team weren’t spiteful like that. If he told them, they’d probably get mad at him for hiding it. Maybe even saddened by the fact Lance felt he couldn’t tell them…

Lance was really at a loss on what to do.

* * *

 

Lance, having had plenty of time to think over his situation, decided that he would hint at his birthday with his teammates. That way he would be telling them but then he also wouldn’t. Truthfully, Lance suspected there would probably be a better option than this but his conscience had already been battling and raging against itself inside his head so he supposed this solution would do. Besides, his team were smart! They’d figure it out.

Lance’s first attempt was when the team were making Krolia and Romelle more comfortable with them by sharing stories and memories of Earth via the communications. Romelle had asked him “What about you, Lance? What memories do you want to share?”

“I remember when I lived in Cuba with my family; we had this rickety beach shack that we used whenever we went to Varadero beach. The last time I was there, we were celebrating my sixteenth birthday after Iverson gave me permission to leave campus for it. It was the first time I went back to Cuba after we moved.” Lance began, rattling off as much as he could. He chuckled to himself as further memories of his sixteenth emerged.

“I remember how my brothers and sister practically threw me in to the sea. The only problem I had with it was that I wasn’t in my swimwear and I was fully dressed! My jacket and jeans were so drenched that I had to leave them on the rocks to dry. When we were leaving, my jeans were still wet so my mom made Marco, Veronica and Luis hand over their towels so I could sit down in the car.” The group all shared a laugh at Lance’s story.

“That definitely sounds like something that’d only happen to you Lance.” Hunk teased in between chuckles.

“Heh, yeah. I bet stuff like that happened all the time, huh?” Pidge added gleefully curious.

Lance’s heart sunk lowly in his chest and his smile faltered to a frown. Was that all they had taken away from his story? Had it only reinforced his label of being their goofball, their fool?

Seeing he had gotten nowhere, Lance continued sharing anecdotes of his childhood as it gave him something to do. “Well there was this one time…”

A few more hours and planets passed by, fading from the view of Red’s windscreen. Lance found he wanted to try hinting again, now that the team’s conversation had become filled with silences that no one knew how to fill. “You know, one of the first things I’m gonna do with my family is go to Cuba, head to Varadero beach and have a party. We’ll eat cake and my infamous ‘Choco Churros’.”

“Awh dude, be sure to save me some of your churros. Those things are good!” Hunk pleaded, sounding particularly peckish.

Lance felt irritation course vehemently through his veins, burning up his cheeks and rising irate remarks up his throat which he fought back with an impish reply of “We’ll see about that, buddy.” Lance could only hope his next few attempts would go better than his previous two.

* * *

 

After a couple more failed attempts, Lance’s patience was wearing thinner with every new effort to get the team to ask “Hey Lance is your birthday coming up? You keep mentioning it over and over again!” Okay, so maybe he was being unfair to the team. It wasn’t like Lance was explicitly telling them it was his birthday but in his defence Lance felt that he was being fairly obvious. For example, he kept retelling memories of his birthdays. Surely one of them had picked up on that!

Taking a breath to calm down, Lance tried again. “Hey I’m pretty sure I’ve done all the talking…”

“As usual.” Pidge quipped dryly. Lance ignored her comment.

“Why don’t you guys share more memories and stuff?” Lance suggested. He silently prayed he was making himself sound as inconspicuous as possible to the others.

“Like what?” Keith asked bluntly.

“Like, uh… Birthdays! Celebrating and partying! Or you can talk about your families.” Lance supplied. Lance then realised he might have reopened wounds for Keith after remembering that he hadn’t had the best experience growing up. “Whatever you want to talk about if you wanna talk about it.” He added hurriedly.

“Well, I remember the time Keith stole my car…” Shiro began playfully.

“Shiro! You said you weren’t gonna talk about that ever!” Keith whined back.

Lance sighed. Once again, his attempts had failed and the team diverted their attention away from him. He resigned to the fact the team weren’t catching on and simply listened to Shiro tell the embarrassing yet endearing tale of when he met Keith. He’d try again at some other point.

Besides, if the team didn't find out then Lance would be okay celebrating his birthday without them. He was used to being alone now.


	12. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance felt a smile creep on to his face in spite of the memory. His mother was a force to be reckoned with when it came to the wellbeing of his family. Had Lotor not defeated Zarkon, Lance could picture his mother defeating the evil overlord in one fell swoop for so much as daring to lay a finger on her son. Lance laughed a little at the thought.
> 
> He hoped he would see her soon.

_Lance could recall taking one last longing look at Cuban airport from the airplane window before his home country was whisked away from him as the plane soared in to the sky. Although he didn’t fully understand why he, his siblings, abuelita and mother had to move to America, Lance gathered it was for their own good. The clouds rolled closely by and Lance felt that if he was able to stick his hand out the window he’d feel a cushiony softness graze his fingertips. The sky was bright with the healthy ember glow of the rising sun. The sunlight itself danced across the left wing of the plane which Lance could just make out if he pressed his face entirely up against the cold glass window, smearing his breath all over it in large puffs of condensation. His mother tapped his shoulder, pleading Lance to sit properly as his feet were digging in to her side and she wouldn’t be able to last the entire flight with buckled sandals pressing red marks in to her skin through her clothes. “Here, I have your music Lance! Don’t you want listen to it and colour rather than look out of the window?” Lance obliged, nodding quietly. He had a habit of remaining quiet when he was sad or brooding._

_Taking the silver Walkman music player with its battered edges and lightly worn buttons, Lance listened to some of the English music he presumed he would have to get used to. It was wonderful music so Lance couldn’t find it in him to care. His mother fished out one of her unused sketchbooks from her travelling bag and handed him her striking blue pencil case along with it which contained pencils, crayons and rubbers. The rubbers were shaped as funny animals. Lance had the choice of a red hippo, a green owl, a yellow cat or a blue shark. The shark was the one Lance used the most because it was both his favourite colour and animal with a dazzling smile. His second favourite was the hippo, with its eroding legs and pink cheeks. He also liked how the owl had silly glasses on and the cat wore a content smile as it slept._

_“You’ll like America, Lance. They have lots of fiestas with big, pretty fireworks that light up the sky. Plus, you’ll be able to see those places you see in American films like New York. His mother tried raising her son’s spirits by rambling about America and it worked slightly, perking his interest as he drew._

_“Will we see New York’s big apple?” Lance asked curiously. His mother laughed._

_“We’ll have to see.” She said simply, ruffling his brown hair lovingly._

* * *

 

Lance was roused from his daydreaming by Kaltenecker softly nudging his arm with her head. He stroked her head in thanks and she gave a moo back, content. Red had landed on a nearby moon to wait for the other lions after Shiro declared they had all been travelling for too long and needed a break. The moon wasn’t anything special. It had craters like other moons except they looked like small holes that had been dug in to the moon’s dusty surface. His team arrived shortly, looking worn-out and weary. Even through the glass of their helmets, Lance could detect heavy bags under their eyes and he worried about how much sleep the others were getting. He cursed himself for being so pushy while hinting at his birthday. Maybe he kept them awake for longer than they intended. Did Shiro want them on the moon sooner? Had his continual chatter made everyone lose focus of the mission ahead?

The longer it took for the team to travel to Earth, the more despondent Lance grew. His homesickness weighed cripplingly upon him; overwhelming his entire body with a desperate longing he could barely supress. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could last against such a force, driving him in to foul mood swings against his team. To tell the truth, Lance hadn’t felt like this for years.

* * *

 

_“Hijo, I know how hard this must be for you…” Rosa said quietly, softly stroking her son’s head as he sobbed in to her. He clung to her, held fistfuls of her clothing in his tiny hands, as she held him in her arms._

_“Mama, I don’t want to stay in America. I want to go home!” Lance wailed, mourning the phenomenal beach he had been raised with and the family he had been torn away from. He could distantly recall the crash of every wave against the pale shore and the intensity of the sun’s stare upon every inhabitant of Cuba. While Lance could accept Cuba had its flaws, it was still paradise to him. It was more of a home to him than America could ever be._

_“Lance, I know.” His mother whispered, sounding on the verge of tears._

* * *

 

There was no time to think of that now. The team were busying themselves with getting rid of the cramps building up in their legs by walking around and stretching. Lance copied, trying to take his mind of his memories for once. The ones that assaulted his mind currently were unpleasant and Lance decided he didn’t want to relive those in front of his team. His body cracked in correlation to his stretches, releasing some of his tension for a little while. Being flexible, Lance could do a couple more complicated stretches that he was certain the others couldn’t. Then again, no one had spoken up about it so he presumed none of them had seen. Hunk then began to pass out their rations which meant that was their cue to return to their lions. Lance almost groaned. Now he would have to face his memories. His hunger vanished at the thought of it but he chose to accept his food with a smile before retreating to Red.

Once in Red, Lance opened his rations and took one bite before he shoved them back inside their container. He put the container on top of his pile of streamers, disinterested. His phone buzzed with another notification. Dread rising within him, Lance knew exactly what it was. His birthday was only a day away. Soon, he would be throwing his own birthday party while he celebrated alone. A tear escaped his eye, streaking down his cheek. Gingerly, he brushed it away.

Lance’s heart twisted in agony as he thought of his family, gravely gathered in an unbearable silence to mourn his disappearance or, in the worst case, his death. How were they coping? Did they long for him as much as he did for them?

Of course, they did. They were his family. They were his stability, his home.

* * *

 

_“What’s this?” A sneering voice interrupted Lance as he peacefully doodled in his sketchbook. Lance tried to ignore it, digging his pencil harshly upon the paper even though his mother had always told him to do so. He gulped._

_“Hey! He’s talking to you!” Another voice snapped as a boy leered in Lance’s face. Lance looked up from his drawing, trying to keep his face as neutral as possible._

_“What do you want?” He asked bluntly._

_The two boys smirked at each other before the taller one gestured to Lance’s sketchbook. “What’s that?”_

_“My sketchbook.” Lance said simply as he slowly began to pack his things away, coiling away from the boys. He could remember a number of times when they had brutally injured him, throwing punches and kicking sand in to his eyes. Phantom bruises ached on his skin. For every fresh one, he told his mother a new lie such stumbling at playtime. The boys threatened to do worse if he told the truth._

_“Let me see.” The taller boy demanded. His smaller friend nodded eagerly._

_A brief burst of courage overtook Lance and, before he could stop himself, he glared at his aggressors. “No.”_

_“C’mon, let me see it!” The tall boy was clenching his fists and taking menacing steps closer to Lance’s bag. Quicker than he could react, the other two boys had snatched up his bag and were scavenging through it, tossing his equipment all over the floor. Lance pleaded with them, rushing in to save his belongings but he was roughly barged to the ground where he grazed his knees harshly. His cherished sketchbook was dangled in front of him teasingly before the other two began to flip through it, laughing cruelly._

_“Is that you riding a spaceship to Mars?” The smaller bully asked in between guffaws._

_“These drawings are awful. Do you know what people do to drawings like these, Kalvin?” The tall bully remarked to his friend._

_“I think I do, Liam.” Kalvin giggled callously back. Lance blinked up at them in confusion. Then, to his horror, the boys began to rip pages out of his sketchbook. Liam shredded page after page, throwing the remains like confetti to celebrate Lance’s misery. Lance begged through his weeping for them to stop but the pair was relentless in their tormenting. Kalvin began to grind the spaceship drawing underneath his clunky brown boots, rubbing it in to the grimy ground beneath them. Lance darted for it and Kalvin stomped his foot on Lance’s fingers, making him cry out in pain. The final pieces of the sketchbook fluttered to the ground, torn horrendously._

_“I hate you! I hate you!” Lance roared in anguish at the pair who just carried on snickering._

_Liam grabbed Lance aggressively by his hair and hissed “I don’t care. You can’t do anything to me. You’re too much of a wimp. That’s why none of the other children want to talk to you or play with you. They don’t want to hang around with a loser like you.”_

_Lance whimpered, having lost the will to fight back. Suddenly, a commanding voice bellowed across the playground. “LIAM AND KALVIN.”_

_Students were parting faster than the red sea to allow a mighty force to push past them, marching menacingly towards Lance’s bullies. Hope welled within Lance for storming across the playground was his teacher with the face of raging thunder and Lance’s mother following close behind with a brown paper bag clutched angrily in her hand. It was then Lance remembered he had left home that morning in such a hurry that he had forgotten his packed lunch and had asked the kind man on the reception desk to get his mother to bring it in. His usually benevolent mother had become as vicious as a female wolf, defending her cub with every snarl of her piercing teeth and harsh glare of her eyes. Although it wasn’t aimed at him, Lance was alarmed by his mother in that moment. He had forgotten she could fiercely protective of her children._

_Liam and Kalvin tore away from Lance as if he had burst in to flames, frozen in fear as their teacher stood before them. “You two come with me. NOW.” She demanded. Her stare was so brutal that the bullies practically shrunk under it, becoming meek. They followed behind her mighty strides, not daring to breathe a word. Rosa wrapped her arms around her son securely and pacified him before helping him retrieve what they could and heading to the nurse’s office to get him checked over._

* * *

Lance felt a smile creep on to his face in spite of the memory. His mother was a force to be reckoned with when it came to the wellbeing of his family. Had Lotor not defeated Zarkon, Lance could picture his mother defeating the evil overlord in one fell swoop for so much as daring to lay a finger on her son. Lance laughed a little at the thought.

He hoped he would see her soon.

* * *

 

Unknown to Lance, who had his communications turned off, the team were talking. “Okay, is it just me or has Lance been acting kinda off lately?” Hunk asked the group.

“I’ve noticed that too. He’s been really quiet these past few days. He’s usually so upbeat as well. Now he seems… sad and angry.” Shiro added reflectively.

“Something tells me it’s been a lot longer than a few days.” Keith commented.

“Are we certain it’s the stress of everything? Has he shown any previous signs of behaving like this?” Allura inquired, fretting for her friend’s wellbeing. No one answered her for a moment until Coran interjected.

“The night of the Arusian party, Lance said he missed Earth. He was nearly in tears over it.”

“He did mention he missed Earth recently.” Pidge said, trying to think through everything in order to help Lance.

“I’m not surprised if that’s what has made him like that. I get like that whenever I think of Earth and my parents…” Matt said gently.

“When we found Shiro again…” Keith began only to stop and wonder if Lance would want the team to know about the blue paladin’s doubts (or the ones Keith suspected Lance had). “He said he felt off but couldn’t figure out why.” He then lied, figuring he was doing Lance a favour.

“Perhaps we’ve be blind to how he’s feeling.” Krolia suggested. Her tone implied she knew more than she was letting on but no one pushed for more answers.

“Maybe I should make more of an effort to talk to him.” Romelle offered. Despite not knowing Lance for very long, she could sense he was a wonderful soul with a kind heart that would do anything for the ones he loved. In a way, he reminded her of Bandor, her brother.

“Lance is strong. He’ll get through this.” Shiro advised and with that the team retired for the night.

The team were right to be worried about Lance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT, HOLY CROW! 
> 
> HUGE THANKS TO BUBBLEGUM146! They gave me the inspiration for the bullies in this chapter. 
> 
> As for the last two chapters... ;)


	13. Wishful thinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hauling everything he needed was no easy task, consisting of lots of struggling, panting and heaving. “Okay, take five!” was uttered every other minute but eventually Lance was standing proudly in the newly-decorated clearing. The paper lanterns and streamers he had gotten from the vendor on Mythos, in addition to the woollen scarf that hugged his neck comfortably, flapped delicately in the sudden breeze that had begun. Some of the confetti Lance had sprinkled on a convenient tree stump had been blown off on to the ground but he didn’t mind. That meant more room for the fruit he had just plucked from the trees and his phone, which carried on with its duty of playing his birthday playlist. Kaltenecker munched on some of the grass nearby while she watched her owner in peace while he dashed about frantically, trying to make everything perfect.

_Lance could always remember that planning and setting his birthday parties was one of his favourite things about his birthday. He was always grinning with anticipation as he decorated every inch of the house in as many hues of blue decorations as he could find. Despite how thrilling that was, Lance found the absolute best thing about his birthday was his family. Above the delicious cakes, colourful streamers and thoughtful gifts were the people who Lance cherished the most, going to any length to make his birthday as delightful and entertaining as the last._

_As he blew the flames of his fourteen candles, Lance once again wished to explore the wonders of space, determined to give something back to his family. If he went in to space and became known as an intergalactic hero then he would bring his entire family honour and pride. With that came money which would really help them in the long run._

_Lance could only hope his wish came true, screwing his eyes shut tightly and putting his entire being in to fuelling his wish with one blow of his breath._

* * *

Setting up for their stay was easy now that the team had grown so accustomed to it. There was no more scrabbling about for supplies and confusion on what steps where necessary to take. Everyone worked in a rhythm in their own roles within the process except Lance who changed his every time, not that anyone took notice to it. Currently, Lance was helping Matt get the campfire going, furiously rubbing sticks together. His face was creased in intense concentration, tongue poking out from his mouth absentmindedly. As a spark spluttered to life, Lance grinned proudly. “Ta-da! One warm fire provided by yours truly.” He declared excitedly.

“Nice one.” Matt replied, grinning back. The two of them then stared at the crackling flames in a peaceful silence, waiting for the others to make their way over. Romelle came first, carrying the space mice in her delicate hands. Lance smirked at her.

“Looks like the mice like you.” He joked.

Romelle smiled warmly. “Oh yes! They’re really sweet even if I can’t understand what they’re saying…”

The mice then leapt from her hands, running over to sit with Lance. “Hey there, little guys.” He cooed as he stroked each of them in turn. They squeaked with glee, nuzzling in to his fingers. Romelle giggled.

“Seems like they like you more.” She quipped.

The rest of the group arrived before Lance could say anything else. “Right, so we’re going to eat now and then rest inside our lions.” Allura clarified to the group, who nodded back at her.

“Sounds like a plan.” Lance added.

The rations were passed around quickly and soon everyone was eating. The others talked among themselves while Lance grew quiet in thought. He pushed his food around in its container while he mused, appetite growing smaller with every second he didn’t eat. His birthday was practically here, creeping up on him. He worried about how many hours he had lost flying in Red. How many hours did he have left?

Lance yanked himself free from his thoughts by forcing a spoonful of food in to his mouth and chomping hard on it. Tomorrow was a day of celebration. He was going to take his all grief and craft it in to an unshakable joy that he could share with the universe. His family would want him to do that. He owed at least that to them.

* * *

 

Lance couldn’t sleep. He was tossing and turning frantically in Red’s pilot seat, trying to make himself comfortable to no avail. Groaning in frustration, Lance gave up trying to sleep. His insides were aggressively squirming in both anticipation and dread for his birthday. He wanted to get the day over and done with yet he also didn’t want it to arrive. Some part of him wanted to glance at his phone’s calendar and see that he had miscounted the number of days. Then he could laugh off his discomfort in relief and just enjoy himself. Snatching up his phone, Lance could see it was still the 27th of July. He observed the white blocky numbers on his phone change from 11:44pm to 11:45pm. He groaned again, unable to decide how to feel.

Kaltenecker stirred in her sleep, shifting and letting out a low whine. Lance huffed and lightly petted her head, soothing her back in to a calmer slumber. At least one of them was content that night. Lance glanced at his phone again. Still 11:45pm. He waited again, blankly staring at ahead in the darkness. The only light was from the slight glow of Red’s control panel and his phone.

He checked again. 11:47pm.

He huffed again, bored. There was no one he could talk to in order to relieve his boredom. Most of the people in his team would be asleep by now and Lance didn’t want to run the risk of waking them up if he turned on the communications to see who else was awake. He turned his phone on once more.

11:50pm. Ten minutes left until Lance’s birthday. A brief chill of excitement ran down his spine before one of fear followed.

11:51pm. Lance looked over at his birthday supplies and cracked a smile. At least he had all the things he needed for his small celebration.

11:52pm. He wondered how he was going to set everything up. Maybe the next planet had a somewhat secluded area he could go to.

11:53pm. Kaltenecker would definitely be joining him. He could always trust on his favourite cow! He stroked her again and she sniffled appreciatively in her sleep.

11:54pm. Lance couldn’t help but think of the team at this moment. Would the team want to join in if they saw his pity party? Would they want to give him presents? He wouldn’t demand or expect them too since they didn’t know it was his birthday. Maybe next year he would tell them.

11:56pm. Lance was getting agitated, just waiting for the clock to turn to midnight and commence his birthday celebrations. He decided he wanted to get the day over and done with after all. Then he could focus on more important things instead of being plagued by memories and dejected thoughts.

11:57. Waiting.

11:58pm. _Still_ waiting. Why couldn’t time hurry up already?!

11:59 pm. Lance’s breathing fell short within his chest. He could practically see the confetti being tossed in the air and flickering all around him in its amazing blues. His family flashed before him. How were they going to deal with his birthday? Would they celebrate the person he had been for them or mourn the person he was going to be in their eyes?

00:00. Midnight. Today was the day. His birthday had arrived.

* * *

 

At some point, the sun began to poke through the atmosphere, signalling it was later in the morning than Lance realised. Lance took a deep breath as he stretched all the stiffness out of his body. He hadn’t slept at all the previous night, too distracted by what was going on inside his head. He flicked the communications on as he unlocked his phone to browse through it.

Hesitating, Lance opened up his photo folders and scrolled through pictures of his family, smiling sadly. One had Veronica posing with Lance after their disastrous attempt at baking a cake for their mother, cheeks marked by clumps of flour and hair dripping with threatening blobs of cake batter. The cake itself was a gooey and atrociously charred mess, making present Lance gag as he remembered the singed scent that had suffocated the house. Marco decided to help them shortly after that before taking all the credit like the snot-nosed slime ball of an older brother Lance had joked about him being. Luckily, Lance’s mother knew the truth, evident by the kisses she placed on their cheeks as thanks.

Another one had as many family members as the camera frame could squeeze all smiling enthusiastically at Lance’s fourteenth. His niece and nephews, Neo, Julio and Mariposa, were up the front with the birthday boy himself, smiles almost manic. Neo had both of his arms around his younger siblings as Julio was proudly showing off the gap on the top left of his smile, having lost his first baby tooth. Mariposa just grinned with that unmistakable twinkle of mischief in her eyes. Veronica was leaning on Lance’s right shoulder and sticking her tongue out towards the camera. Luis appeared to be dabbing behind them and present Lance cringed, hoping to dear God he hadn’t been even though it was more likely he had. Marco and his wife Clarita smiled pleasantly next to Lance’s mother Rosa and Abuelita Zelia. Various other cousins and family members crammed themselves in wherever they could. This was one of Lance’s favourite photographs of his family, showing them off at their best and happiest. A tear escaped Lance’s eye and he hastily wiped it away. Today was not going to be a day of sadness. Lance was determined not to make it one. He owed it to his family.

He then browsed his video library and was delighted as he recalled several videos he had forgotten he had recorded such as one of Mari singing along to Sugar by The Archies with Lance, jumping about erratically and making her uncle laugh in the middle of his words. One even had Lance on the beach with his siblings posing in various positions as if taking a photograph.

* * *

 

_“Lance, are you sure the camera’s on?” Veronica asked, lifting her eyebrow questioningly at him._

_“Yes, I’m…” Lance squinted in front of him and his eyes widened in realisation at the same time his siblings’ did._

_“Oh my God…” Luis said before Lance’s brothers and sister burst out laughing._

_“Oh shi…” Lance began to curse, fumbling clumsily with his phone._

_“Hey, language!” Marco cut in before Lance could finish._

_“Mi idioma es español, cabrón.” Lance teased back at his brother before the video began to shake as Lance’s feet rapidly hit the sand while he swore under his breath. Evidently, Marco was chasing Lance for his rudeness. Veronica and Luis howled in the background, practically wheezing out their giggles._

_“Aha, got you!” The camera panned upwards to show a smug Marco before the video cut off._

* * *

Lance chuckled, fondly smiling at his phone. Finally, he opened up his music library and felt a small grin brighten up his face. At least he could play his birthday playlist again before leaving it for another year. A song drifted around the space inside the Red Lion, improving Lance’s mood considerably. Perhaps today was going to be alright or maybe even better than alright. He hummed along, wrapping the blue scarf he had obtained from the shop vendor on Mythos around his neck. It was the softest scarf Lance had ever worn and had small pictures of powerful lions and stars weaved in to it in white thread. Though the planet wasn’t too cold, Lance figured it was probably the only gift he was getting this year so he might as well use it.

“Don't know if words can say but darlin' I'll find a way to let you know what you meant to me. Guess it was meant to be. I hold you in my heart as life's most precious part. Oh darlin'…” Lance crooned, immersed in his song.

“Everybody needs to be getting up now!” Coran called over the communications, making Lance jump slightly in surprise.

“I’m already up, Coran!” He replied back cheerily, turning his music down only slightly.

“Wonderful! Meet me outside as soon as possible.” Coran requested before there was a click, signalling Coran turning off Blue’s communications. Lance put his helmet on confidently, careful not to trap his scarf, before grabbing his phone which still played music. Moving along to the music and singing quietly, Lance strode out of Red, ready to face his birthday.

* * *

 

The group had decided to spend an extra day on their current planet, figuring a rest day was in order which Lance was thankful for. The universe was being sympathetic towards him today. The planet was mostly covered in short, beige grass with crimson trees that intertwined in to each other, bearing a triangular-shaped white and pink fruit that Coran had deemed edible after sampling one. The white side of the fruit was strongly saccharine while the pink side was intensely tart; creating an odd flavour that tickled the throats of everyone who tried it. There was an entire forest full of these fruit trees further up ahead but no one took any notice apart from Lance, making a note to explore it later. Perhaps he could find a clearing for his private party within it. For now though, the paladin was content with playing his birthday playlist as loudly as possible, all while dancing.

“EVERYBODY CLAP YOUR HANDS!” Lance yelled along with his music before obnoxiously clapping along, laughing to himself until his sides ached.

“Ugh, Lance.” Keith complained, deeply nursing his oncoming headache with both of his hands.

“Why are you even playing that type of music?” Pidge demanded, growing more frustrated with each song.

“It’s a nice day today so I figured why not! That and maybe it’ll lighten the mood.” Lance replied, bopping his head to the music as he did the moves the song was instructing him to do. Lowering his body to the ground, Lance snorted as Coran began to join in.

“Coran, what are you doing?” Allura asked, slightly alarmed.

“What the music tells me to do! It looks like great fun!” Coran lowered his body as well, wincing when his back let out a loud CRACK.

“I’m fine!” He quickly cried out, making Lance giggle.

“Copy me Coran!” Lance called as he sprung up from the dusty ground and began to balance himself on his tiptoes. Coran, who was surprisingly nimble for someone his age, was soon mirroring Lance, wobbling slightly when he messed up a few steps. The pair were enthusiastically cha-cha sliding until the song drew to a close not long afterwards, making several members of the group breathe a sigh of relief.

Their relief was short-lived as Lance’s phone, which was resting on a nearby tree stump, played another song, causing Lance to shriek in joy at it. “Oh you’ll love this one Coran! It’s a traditional Earth ballad.” He remarked, smirking impishly at the human members of the team who grumbled except for Matt who grinned elatedly at the song. He opened his mouth to sing along but Pidge shot him a glare, silencing him.

“Lance, please, skip this one.” She then pleaded.

Lance gave a faux gasp of horror. “Are you asking me to skip Toxic by Britney Spears?!” He ignored Pidge’s protests in favour of mouthing along, dancing energetically. Coran shimmied along with Lance and eventually Matt began singing along much to Pidge’s disappointment. Lance sang his heart out, put everything in to his moves as he focused on making this birthday as good as his previous ones.

* * *

 

Eventually, Pidge (among other members of the team) grew too annoyed with Lance’s silliness for the day. She dug out her orange headphones from amongst the clutter in Green before she flung them at Lance who caught them clumsily. “Would you please listen to your music quietly?” She asked, sounding worn-down by Lance’s energy. He took pity and complied, mouthing along to the lyrics as quietly as he could. Lance soon got up, disturbing the quiet that had settled amongst the team.

“I’m going to go explore for a bit in Red. All this sitting around is getting boring.” He declared. He stretched vigorously before handing the headphones back to Pidge, thanking her, before walking off to his lion.

The first thing Lance did once inside Red was to stroke Kaltenecker, making sure she was happy. She mooed back, pleased. Lance then bounded up to his pilot seat, now growing excited. There was a thrill in him at the thought of exploring the forest he saw alone. There would probably be the perfect clearing in there, waiting for Lance to set up his party.

If only the team were…

No. Lance wasn’t going to think like that today. Today was going to be a joyful occasion, like his family would have wanted.

In a matter of minutes, Red was all geared up to go, unleashing a jubilant roar as Lance set off. “Yeah! Go Red!” Lance hollered, laughing at his lion’s antics. It seemed his lion was just as eager as he was. Red soared above the trees, rustling their leaves as branches shook. Lance scanned the ground, hunting for any sort of clearing. With every tree he passed, he grew more exasperated as the trees were all so close together that there was no believable way he could land Red and get all of the things he needed to so that he could celebrate his birthday. Then, Lance let out a cheer as he spotted a clearing, right underneath Red. He landed with a small bump before turning to Kaltenecker, grinning widely. “Are you ready, girl?” He asked to which she wiggled her ears excitedly and stomped one of hooves. Lance took that as a yes.

Hauling everything he needed was no easy task, consisting of lots of struggling, panting and heaving. “Okay, take five!” was uttered every other minute but eventually Lance was standing proudly in the newly-decorated clearing. The paper lanterns and streamers he had gotten from the vendor on Mythos, in addition to the woollen scarf that hugged his neck comfortably, flapped delicately in the sudden breeze that had begun. Some of the confetti Lance had sprinkled on a convenient tree stump had been blown off on to the ground but he didn’t mind. That meant more room for the fruit he had just plucked from the trees and his phone, which carried on with its duty of playing his birthday playlist. Kaltenecker munched on some of the grass nearby while she watched her owner in peace while he dashed about frantically, trying to make everything perfect.

He jammed his candles (which had hardened since being crafted, thankfully) deeply within, counting each one under his breath as he did so. The juice from inside the fruit began to run down Lance’s hands, making his armour become annoyingly sticky. He rubbed his hands down on the grass hastily before realising he didn’t have anything to light his candles with. The realisation hit him like a fatal blow to the gut, rendering on his knees in despair as panic flooded his brain. Why hadn’t he given more thought about the candles? Of course he was going to need something to light them with!

Lance suddenly remembered the campfire he had made previous night and laughed in relief, almost hysterically. Hurrying over to the nearest tree that didn’t hold decorations, Lance snapped off a cluster of branches before breaking off the larger ones and tossing them away in to the foliage around him. He only needed the smaller ones. Rubbing the sticks together furiously, Lance pleaded with whatever had decided that his birthday was going to be a good one to make it an even better one. As if the power above had heard him, a fire sparked from the branches. Lance let out a cry of jubilation, snatched up one of the unused branches and dipped the tip of it in the sizzling flames before blowing them out, careful not to accidently blow out the one he grasped in his hand. With liveliness in his step, Lance lit each of the candles.

He then sat before the tree stump and shut his eyes. “Happy birthday Lancey-Lance.” He whispered to himself, preparing to blow his candles out.

It was then a strange burning smell began to waft in Lance’s face, making him crack his eyes open in confusion. No sooner than he had, the colour drained from Lance’s face as he watched the candles melt before his eyes; becoming a heap of aggressively gurgling wax before the flames leapt to the confetti , turning them in to ash instantly and began to engulf the tree stump. Lance whimpered in distress, grabbing his phone before the fire could claim it.

A flame took that opportunity to spring on to his hand, scalding it for his foolishness with an unbearable heat and intense pain pricking his skin as Lance yanked his hands away. A blood-curling scream pierced the air and it took Lance a few moments to realise it was him, throat raw. On his knees, he struggled against the agonising sensation raging on hands as it quickly made its way up his arms. His phone landed nearby and Lance knew he couldn’t leave it, despite the searing soreness that inflicted his skin. It was too valuable, holding all his memories and his anchor to home. He rolled and thrashed on the ground, putting out the flames on his body, before gritting against the pain and grabbed his phone. Kaltenecker mooed in alarm, hooves pounding on the clearing floor in fright as she scuffled backwards from the advancing flames. Lance’s eyes shot to her in a blind panic.

He had to get her away from the growing inferno that had now spread to the grass and was quickly beginning to stalk closer to the trees near his cow. Thick black smoke started to choke Lance as he hurriedly wrapped his scarf (which was thankfully only singed at the ends) around the lower half of his face. He crawled towards Kaltenecker, croaking out small sobs as he wept at the torture he felt with each inch he took forward. When he reached his cow, Lance pulled his scarf down to reassure her. “Hey girl, everything’s going to be alright.” He coughed against the smoke before he shakily got to his feet and stroked her tenderly. She nuzzled him before Lance reapplied his knitted guard against the smoke and dragged her over to Red whose jaw dropped immediately to let them both in.

Making his way in to his lion, Lance checked himself and his cow over. Kaltenecker wasn’t hurt but was otherwise terrified of the flames that scorched where she had just been standing. Lance, on the other hand, could still vividly feel the excruciating pain from the burns on his skin and he gagged, seeing how much more gruesome they were closer up. Parts of his skin were peeling off and blisters were grotesquely breaking out over his hands. His phone had a crack running down the middle of its screen. Remarkably, the music still played and Lance was in too much shock to turn it off. It soothed him as he bawled, wishing everything had turned out better. If he had told the team, then maybe none of this would have happened. Who knows what they were going to say now?

Lance stumbled in to Red’s pilot seat, breathing laboured. Flames rapidly encircled Red and, for a second, Lance feared they were imprisoned by the blaze before his lion charged through the flames of its own accord, bracing the heat. Red flew further and further until the blaze was below them, eating the forest alive as the smoke billowed in to the air, blackening the once bright and cheery sky.


	14. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith chewed on his lower lip in discomfort as he ended the call with Lance. Lance, for lack of a better word, was a mess. His hands looked painfully blistered and his face was dirtied by sweat and ash. Lance had also being crying heavily, eyes red-rimmed and lips trembling. It was almost as if he was an entirely different person, someone who looked like Lance but he was more helpless and fragile in the place of the usually confident paladin that Keith and the others had grown familiar with. The growing restlessness in Keith’s gut told him that Lance’s tears weren’t entirely caused by shock from the fire. Worse things had happened in the past and Lance had kept calm. It wasn’t strange to think that perhaps the tears had been held back for a while and caused by something Lance was hiding from the team. Was it homesickness? Could it be loneliness? Maybe the insecurities that Lance usually kept so well hidden had finally gotten the better of him? Keith could only make guesses, hoping Lance would open up to someone eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE WE GO, IT'S THE FINAL CHAPTER!
> 
> As you can tell from the chapter title, there is a song recommendation! Here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6Uo1nNt6LU  
> STARTS AT : "Lance sang along because what else could he do?"

_Smoke poured in front and distorted Red’s windscreen, forcing the lion to make numerous twists and turns. Lance was struggling to stay focused. His hands hadn’t stopped shaking since he had escaped, too shaken up by everything that had happened. He could still feel the searing heat dancing its way up his body, causing the skin on his hands to become hideous, blistered and enflamed. The overwhelming urge to comfort a scared Kaltenecker coursed through Lance’s veins but he could barely move and his voice was hoarse from inhaling some much smoke._

_His phone was lying haphazardly in his lap while his knees knocked together nervously. Lance shed his tears, allowing them to fall freely as he tried to focus on the music that his phone was playing. The current song wasn’t supposed to be for calming yet all Lance could get from listening to it was a soothing presence as he longingly remembered of his family singing along, making it seem like everything was going to be alright._

* * *

 

The team stared as Lance flew off in Red, making an extravagant spectacle of the whole thing. The roar from Lance’s lion still rang in everyone’s ears. “Even when leaving Lance sticks to the dramatics.” Pidge remarked, grinning fondly in the direction her friend had taken. The others agreed, laughing at his antics. It was strange, then, when they fell in to an uncomfortable silence. Had Lance been there, he would have filled it accordingly with jokes to raise everyone’s spirits because he knew that’s exactly what everyone needed.

“Am I the only one who noticed that it was mostly party songs he was listening to earlier?” Hunk asked in the hopes of sparking some sort of conversation.

“Yeah, that was a little strange but Lance will be Lance. Besides, he was enjoying himself and that’s all that matters.” Shiro replied.

“I take it those were all songs from Earth?” Romelle queried quietly.

“Yep. I have to say Lance has a good taste in party music.” Matt added, smirking at his sister who groaned.

“You’re only saying that because you’ve found the only other person on the team who likes Britney Spears.” Pidge shot back, glaring at her brother.

“Actually, I have to agree with Matthew.” Coran admitted. “Lance’s music reminds me of some of the songs they used to play at Altean balls back in the day.”

The group then delved in to discussing music, teasing each other over songs and teaching others the words to others. Coran took great delight in teaching an old travelling song which Pidge picked up quickly. After a while, the conversation grew stale as they were all once again reminded that Lance wasn’t present to liven it up with whatever whimsical thought could make the team smile, forgetting their troubles and being comforted by his words.

As they talked, the space mice sat in a huddle, conferring about their tall loud friend in the Red Lion. Since the jungle planet, the mice had kept their promise to be quiet about his sadness yet they couldn’t help but think they had made the wrong decision. Their friend was hiding things from the team and it wasn’t helping him. He distanced himself, hiding behind smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes and jokes that sounded hollow if someone really listened to what he was saying. The team hadn’t noticed. They weren’t at fault for this given how they were gripped by the pressure of the war raging on around them. Even so, things couldn’t continue like this.

Just then, their new wolf friend tensed up, sniffing the air and eyes becoming glazed with fear. At the same time, the space mice could feel a shiver of dread crawl down their backs, sensing trouble. All of them locked eyes, exchanging looks that spoke volumes. Something was horribly wrong and their friend was at the centre of it all. The wolf began to whine, causing his owner to make an effort to soothe him.

“Woah, Cosmo. What’s wrong?” Keith asked comfortingly, petting the top of his wolf’s head. His strokes did nothing to ease the wolf.

“Lance has been gone a while.” Krolia stated as her brow furrowed deeply in worry. “Maybe Cosmo is sensing something.”

“I think Lance is…” Hunk began before Cosmo barked sharply and frenziedly, looking up at the sky in alarm. Everyone turned to look and gasped in horror as they watched a tower of smoke rise from deep within the forest. Their fears grew worse once they realised it was the direction Lance had gone in.

“Everyone get to your lions! Keep above the smoke and be on the lookout for Red or Lance.” Keith commanded, immediately moving in to his role as leader.

Hurrying to their lions, the team’s stomachs knotted painfully in anxiousness, hoping their friend was holding out against the fire up ahead.

* * *

 

Lance’s eyes were stinging and raw from all the sobbing he had been doing but he couldn’t stop no matter how hard he tried. His fear had died down the further away Red had gotten from the fire, unleashing all the sadness he had tried so hard to contain. All he wanted to do was to get his birthday out of the way and clear his mind of the negativity that weighed heavily upon his conscience. His head was reeling, trying to focus on anything but the sea of memories he was drowning in. He stared straight ahead at Red’s controls as his lion rumbled soothingly. Red was all he could see like the red glowing from the lights above and around him or the red that marked his skin as a chilling reminder of his disaster. There was a red light on his control panel, flashing like the siren on a fire truck. An incessant and desperate beeping resonated in Lance’s ears. Someone wanted to contact Lance through the communications. Lance gritted his teeth and forced himself to lurch forward, tapping the panel to turn the communications on before he slumped his body back in its seat.

“Lance!” Keith shouted in relief when he saw the dishevelled paladin pop up on the communications screen.

“Are you alright?” Krolia’s voice came from behind Keith, eyes glinting with apprehension.

“Keith, Krolia…” was all Lance could say, voice raspy to the point where he could scarcely go louder than a whisper.

“Hey, everything’s going to be alright. Are you hurt?” Keith said, attempting to console his friend.

Lance didn’t reply to Keith, raising his scalded hands while hissing from the agony of doing so. Keith winced sympathetically and nodded to himself, making a note to see to it that Lance’s injuries were taken care of. Keith paused before speaking again, running through what he was going to say. “Are you able to meet us back where we were originally, by the forest?”

Lance swallowed thickly before croaking “Yeah, I can.”

“Great. I’ll let everyone know you’re okay. Hang in there Lance.” Keith reassured before dropping the call.

Lance snivelled, wanting nothing more than for the whole ordeal to be done with. He could already hear the reprimanding lecture the team was going to give him for being so thoughtless and allowing this to happen. What would his family think if they were here?

* * *

 

Keith chewed on his lower lip in discomfort as he ended the call with Lance. Lance, for lack of a better word, was a mess. His hands looked painfully blistered and his face was dirtied by sweat and ash. Lance had also being crying heavily, eyes red-rimmed and lips trembling. It was almost as if he was an entirely different person, someone who looked like Lance but he was more helpless and fragile in the place of the usually confident paladin that Keith and the others had grown familiar with. The growing restlessness in Keith’s gut told him that Lance’s tears weren’t entirely caused by shock from the fire. Worse things had happened in the past and Lance had kept calm. It wasn’t strange to think that perhaps the tears had been held back for a while and caused by something Lance was hiding from the team. Was it homesickness? Could it be loneliness? Maybe the insecurities that Lance usually kept so well hidden had finally gotten the better of him? Keith could only make guesses, hoping Lance would open up to someone eventually.

A comforting hand clasped his shoulder. He turned his head slightly to see his mother smiling softly at him. “The sooner we alert the team, the sooner we can get to the bottom of this.” Krolia urged, squeezing Keith’s shoulder.

He sighed and nodded, alleviating some of his stress, before calling the rest of the team. Hunk was the first to answer. “Is Lance okay? Where is he? I can’t see him anywhere!”

“Hunk, it’s okay. Lance is on his way back but he’s been badly burned.” Keith responded.

“We only managed to get a glimpse at the burns but they appeared to be giving him extreme amounts of pain. It’s important we treat those immediately before we bombard Lance with questions about what happened.” Krolia advised, feeling the urge to relieve Lance.

“Allura, have you managed to put out the fire?” Pidge asked. Her voice was calm but her face was glistening with worried sweat.

There was the sound of mass amounts of ice cracking before melting, hissing in the background of Allura’s side of the call before she spoke, panting slightly. “There’s still smoke everywhere but the fire has been doused.”

“Do we know what caused it?” Shiro asked from Blue.

“Pidge, Hunk and I will look at the damage now to see if we can determine what happened. The rest of you head back to where Lance is and fix him up. There’s burn ointment and bandages in the medicine kit.” Coran instructed from beside Pidge. He cast his eyes down to the floor inside Green as he recalled the events of the hours earlier. Lance had been so jovial and energetic. How everything could have gone south so quickly was a bizarre mystery to him and he was determined to figure it out for Lance’s sake.

* * *

 

Pidge poked at a large pile of ash with her foot, causing tiny remnants of blue confetti to emerge. She crouched down to the burnt, ash-ridden ground and squinted at them. “These bits look like that confetti the Mythions gave us.” She called over her shoulder to her fellow investigators.

The remains of streamers and paper lanterns were dragged by the breeze towards Hunk who picked them up and examined their crisply burnt ends. “I think there was a dude selling these back on Mythos. They look party decorations…” He mused, turning them over and over in his hands. They crinkled noisily as excess parts of ash crumbled off the ends.

Coran was silent, scrutinising the lumpy mould of blue wax hissing upon the charred tree stump. “Lance got that stuff from that meadow planet we were on. He used them to make candles. Maybe he tried to light them.” Hunk suggested before Coran’s eyes widened and his face paled to a sickly white.

“Oh quiznack…” He muttered, causing Hunk and Pidge to glance at the altean in confusion.

“This is a highly volatile substance, once used in wars across the universe for the sole purpose of creating weapons. When just one drop of this is lit, a catastrophic fire is left in its wake. The destruction was so devastating that, after the First Intergalactic war, its use for weaponry became outlawed.” Coran hastily explained to the paladins.

“Then how did Lance get his hands on this stuff?” Pidge asked in alarm.

“It’s naturally made by the trees we saw on the planet it came from but because there were no inhabitants on that planet…” Coran began, hoping the other two would catch his drift.

“There was no way anyone could know that it was there. That means no one could warn us against it.” Pidge finished, scowling at the substance.

“Exactly. If only I had seen Lance was this, I could have warned him.” Coran professed, glancing guiltily at their sullied surroundings.

“No, I should have said something to one of the other members of the team. I feared something about Lance’s candles wasn’t right but I figured I was just being paranoid.” Hunk declared.

“Here’s the thing that doesn’t add up to me. Why did Lance create them in the first place and why light them right here, right now?” Pidge queried.

None of them could offer an answer other than homesickness but it didn’t seem right. Lance was the only one who could provide the right one, providing he was willing to.

* * *

 

With some assistance from Kaltenecker, Lance stumbled out of Red and waited for his team. He clutched his phone tightly, ignoring the stinging sensation this act brought. Lance didn’t have it in him to turn the music off just yet. The next song that started made Lance give out a bitter laugh at how beautifully ironic it was. Lesley Gore’s mournful tone had never felt more appropriate than in that moment. Lance sang along because what else could he do? “It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. You would cry too, if it happened to you.”

He closed his eyes, not wanting to look at his hands or his surroundings. “Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone but Judy left the same time. Why was he holding her hand when he's supposed to be mine? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. You would cry too, if it happened to you.”

“Play all my records, keep dancing all night, but leave me alone for a while. Till Johnny's dancing with me, I've got no reason to smile. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. You would cry too, if it happened to you.” Lance’s throat felt like sandpaper was grating inside it as he sang but he continued regardless. He allowed his tears to fall willingly, tired of keeping it all in. Today had already been disastrous enough. What he didn’t know was that his side of the communications were still on and the team could hear every word.

The team stiffened in their seats as Lance’s sobbing mixed with his singing. It was as if the horrible party described in the lyrics had actually happened to him. “Oh, Judy and Johnny just walked through the door, like a queen with her king. Oh, what a birthday surprise. Judy's wearing his ring. It's my party and I'll cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. Cry if I want to. You would cry too, if it happened to you.”

The sincerity in his voice caused a realisation to kick the team. Lance’s constant talk of birthday memories seemed sadder coupled with his woeful warbling on the other end of the communications. His playlist being made up of party songs that he just happened to listen to then and there couldn’t be a coincidence. The team looked at each other with fearful eyes as they all came to the conclusion that today was Lance’s birthday.

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you.” Lance finished with one last pitiful sniffle and the music was switched off. No one dared to say anything, let alone breathe. Then, after what felt like an eternity, Hunk spoke, unable to keep his crying quiet.

“Lance, I’m so sorry.”

* * *

 

The team were all gathered around Lance in silence. He focused on staring at his bandaged hands lying still on top of his lap. None of them pushed him to say anything. They just offered sympathetic looks and comforting rubs on the back. Cosmo the wolf placed his soft head down on Lance’s lap, looking imploringly upwards at him. Lance stroked Cosmo, making him feel more at ease. The space mice sat on his shoulder, patting their perching space gently. Kaltenecker nudged Lance gently and he knew he had to break the silence. “I’m sorry.” He then uttered voice low.

“Lance, you don’t need to…” Shiro tried to comfort him but Lance interrupted.

“Please, just let me speak. I need to get this off my chest. At first I didn’t want to make a big deal out of my birthday. There’s a war going on and you… _we_ all have more important issues to focus on. I get that after everything that’s happened, it would be a welcomed break but I just…” He trailed off, wiping at his eyes briefly, before taking a deep breath and continuing.

“I was dreading my birthday because we were so far away from Earth and I just didn’t want to celebrate it so far from home. Then, I figured my family wouldn’t want me to be miserable on my birthday and so I thought I could celebrate it on my own. I just needed to do this because I’ve been feeling so lost lately. There are some days where I wake up and I realise I just can’t do it. I can’t be your goofball. I can’t focus on things and when I do what I think is right, I later think I did everything wrong. I guess I just wanted a day to let go of it all. I just wanted a day to just get caught up in the fun of being flamboyant and enjoy my own like I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I still do love being dramatic and stuff. It’s just a lot harder to do than it used to be.” Lance finished his rant and was brought to tears again when the team engulfed him in a hug.

“You do so much for this team without even thinking about it, Lance. You make everything feel less heavy and you always know the right thing to say to make any of us feel better. You’re the backbone of this team, you keep us all together.” Keith said, tearing up. He didn’t say much else but Lance appreciated his effort greatly.

“Dude, I wish you had come to me sooner about this. I would have celebrated with you in a heartbeat. Just know you’re my best friend and we all care so much about you. You’re not just our goofball, man. Just let us know the minute you feel like this again.” Hunk added, squeezing Lance a little tighter. Lance clung to his friends, weeping softly.

* * *

 

It was the 29th of July.

Lance was sitting nearby the shade of a tree, staring up at the sky, thinking about nothing in particular. He then felt a pair of large hands covering his eyes from behind before he heard Hunk playfully saying “Guess who?”

“Uh, Keith?” Lance played along, purposefully guessing wrong. He heard Hunk chuckle. Hunk began to led Lance forward, intent on taking him somewhere.

“Nope.”

“Pidge?” Lance ‘tried’ again.

“Pfft, as if she could reach.” Hunk remarked, making them both laugh.

“I heard that!” Pidge replied from in front, snarky yet good-humoured. Lance grinned in her direction impishly.

“Allura? Romelle? Shiro? Krolia?” Lance listed off other members of the team, giggling as he did so. Their game continued the entire journey, with Hunk and Pidge being Lance’s eyes for the time being. With every step, Lance’s guesses became more ridiculous, forcing the three of them to make several stops due to how hard they were laughing

Hunk eventually came to a final stop just as Lance chuckled out “Slav, is that you?”

“Oh my God!” Hunk cackled again, nearly removing his hands from Lance’s eyes. “Don’t let Shiro hear you say that name.”

“I won’t.” Lance then realised they had come to a complete stop and whined “Hunk, what’s going on? We’ve been walking forever.”

It was then Hunk removed his hands from Lance’s eyes and the entire team yelled “SURPRISE!” Lance blinked as he took everything in. Some of his burnt decorations had been salvaged and hung up around some of the trees at the edge of the forest that wasn’t burnt. All of their rations were laid out on a grey blanket that Lance assumed one of the others brought with them. He then spotted other luxury food in bowls that he thought were long gone with their castle. Tearfully, Lance looked back at his team, smiling fondly at him from where they were sat around the blanket.

“We know it was yesterday and that you didn’t really want to celebrate it but we just thought we couldn’t let your birthday for another year go the way it did so this is a birthday picnic and mini party to make up for it.” Hunk rambled as he and Pidge took an arm each of a shocked Lance.

“You guys…” He sniffed, smiling at them. They all hugged him tightly before Pidge opened up Lance’s playlist, fittingly titled ‘Birthday bops’.

“Let’s get this party started!” Lance yelled, digging in and everyone followed suit.

There were still things to work on between Lance and the team but he could accept that this was a good starting point for all them. He looked around at everyone having the most fun they had had in a while and realised this was the closest to home he was going to get. He was okay with that. More than okay with it as long as he had his team by his side.

Everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HNNNNG OH MY GOD THIS STORY WAS FUN TO WRITE BUT I JUST WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE WHO BOOKMARKED, GAVE KUDOS AND COMMENTED. I ALSO THANK ANYONE WHO READS THIS IN THE FUTURE BECAUSE THIS WAS WRITTEN BERFORE SEASON 7 AND IDK HOW WHAT I WROTE COMPARES TO THE CANON?? I DON’T CARE AND I LOVE THIS.I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE ENJOYED THE RIDE! FEEL FREE TO CHECK OUT MY OTHER WORKS IF YOU’D LIKE. ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. 
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